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Toxic Relationships (Part 3) – Repairing the Bonds in a Healthy Way

Ambrosia — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:49:16 +0000

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some people leave the toxic partner and form new, healthier bonds. Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

Many relationships are salvageable. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you're willing to walk away. If you are not willing to walk away -- really walk and keep on going -- then, you will never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say, "I need your support. I need your love," or "I need your truthful opinion."

If you don't get what you need, the other person should know that you're prepared to walk. You won't be able to convey that unless you really feel it. If your partner tells you that he or she doesn't like "ultimatums," just say you're stating the facts and you believe in giving fair warning. Do not argue. Stay calm and be prepared to hear harsh words. This person is invested in keeping you low. They may not respond as you would like. It doesn't matter. Stay calm. Stay resolute. In a sense, you're fighting for the both of you, because a toxic relationship is unhealthy for both of the two people involved.

A healthy relationship is a two-way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

If you must go, then go. Feel good, knowing that you have made a brave and difficult decision. Let your friends help you.

If your partner comes after you, and tries to lure you back, stay strong. Be clear about what you would like changed. And maybe he or she will surprise you. Maybe your partner will want change, too. Then stay apart, but work together, to rebuild your emotional home.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but making up the right way!

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Toxic Relationships (Part 2) – How to Leave Your Toxic Lover

Ambrosia — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 11:16:41 +0000

This site about how to get back with your ex. At least, that's what it looks like. What this site is really about is getting back with the one you love. In all cases, the one you love should be yourself. And in every case, the best way to get back with your ex, is by first reconnecting with yourself.

That being said, the reconnection with self sometimes requires that you break up with you partner. If you're caught up in a toxic relationship, for example, then you need to break up with that person. You need to find the strength to save yourself.

How do you leave a toxic relationship?

The first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, you must start to stand up for yourself. Easier said, than done. No doubt, your toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. You know in your mind that this is not true -- sort of. By now, you probably even hear your partner criticizing you from the inside out. His or her voice follows you everywhere, affects your confidence about everything your do. Your partner does not even have to be in physically present. He or she has injected you with so much mental poison that it affects you even when you are away from them.

But you can still free yourself from them. You can still be the person who says, "Enough. I'm breaking up with you." How?

Talk to the people who love you, especially friends you withdrew from earlier on.
Do one thing every day to reconnect with yourself, one thing that reminds you of who you were before you met this person
If you two are living together, then start planning alternate living arrangements
Consider joining a therapy group. For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

Suppose you have reached this point? What happens next? Stay tuned for Part 3 and we'll discuss the aftermath of leaving your toxic lover.

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Toxic Relationships (Part 1) – Are You In One?

Ambrosia — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:42:58 +0000

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

Does your partner:

mock you, make fun of you or otherwise criticize you in front of others?
say she or he loves you, but act otherwise?
try to control you, by reading your mail or showing up at places just to check up on you?
try to make you dependent on him or her?

Have you:

changed things about yourself to please them?
distanced yourself from friends and/or family because your partner didn't like them?
stopped taking part in your favorite hobbies or sports because your partner criticized them?
started taking part in activities that you don't enjoy because your partner wants you to?

If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then read on!

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically poisoned?

The answer is simple: most people don't consciously realize they're being drawn into a toxic relationship until it's too late. A toxic relationship has a cycle. There s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation -- at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until theyve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.

Having said that, it seems that some people end up in toxic relationships more than others. These people are more likely to enter into and endure a toxic relationships because it's familiar to them -- they grew up in toxic homes. Now, adults, they replicate the patterns of their childhood. They don't even realize that they're doing it. And, they may not know any better. Having never seen a nurturing, healthy relationship, they have no idea how to find one or even create one.

Other people simply do not believe that they have a right to be happy. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people. They feel strong when taking care of the weak. They don't realize, however, that weak people can be manipulative in their own way.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, then you have to leave it. This is one case in which you must find the means and the strength to breakup. In Part 2, we'll discuss how to do it.

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Dealing With Breakup Causes Breakup Pain

Ambrosia — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 16:16:21 +0000

Dealing with breakup pain, any way that you look at it, is not going to be an easy or enjoyable task. A lot of people incorrectly believe that they will be able to manage their heartbreak, only to find out that carrying a torch for someone after a love affair is a lot like grieving, at least if you look at the relationship as having passed on. When it comes to dealing with a broken intimate relationship, it is important that you look past the pain and find a way to survive even when things seem impossible for the time being.

Relationship breakup puts a lot of people through fear and misery. Some of the people going through these feelings have no one in the world to turn to, and this is why people suffer so hard from heartbreak in the first place. Dealing with breakup pain all by yourself can seem impossible at first, but consider how many people deal with love and loss in their lives and survive to talk about it. You too will be able to get over what feels like a crippling breakup, but only if you are willing to deal with heartbreak pain the right way, and the healthy way for that matter.

So why is the pain from a lost love breakup so difficult? Because when dealing with a breakup, it will seem as if you are the only one who has suffered the kind of pain youre going through. It is important that you continue to try to heal rather than allowing yourself to give up on the situation. Dwelling on the painful split from your lover will not help you, so instead you should work on getting better and moving on, which will allow you to stop dealing with breakup pain and start dealing with moving on and finding someone new, perhaps even someone that has a better dynamic with you.

* Spend time with your friends and let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak.

* Don't dwell on the bad feelings, but focus on the good parts of your life in order to promote healing.

Your friends will probably realize that you're going through something serious, and they will more than likely dedicate themselves to trying to help you through it. If this is the case, don't blow them off, because going out and spending time with your friends and the people that you care about will be extremely helpful when it comes to dealing with breakup pain. Everyone goes through a period where they are dealing with breakup pain, because everyone goes through a breakup. Rather than allow yourself to suffer while dealing with breaking up pain, what you should do is enjoy yourself and work on healing rather than allowing yourself to become stressed out, overwhelmed or depressed by your heartbreak.

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Should You and Your Ex Get Back Together?

Ambrosia — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 11:14:36 +0000

If you truly want to get back together with your ex, you have to do a bit of soul searching. You must be totally honest with yourself. You have to decide if you and your ex get back together it will truly make you happy, and you won't wind up down the same road that caused the breakup in the first place. It's always easy after a breakup to only think of the good times. It's important that you try to be completely objective and think of both the good and bad times.

Few relationships that are not worth of saving. If you and your ex spent more time fighting than doing something good and fun, then perhaps you should consider moving on. If they were physically or verbally abusive, it probably wasn't a healthy relationship. If they were mentally unstable, you probably are better off without them. If the relationship overall was a good one, and they weren't abusive, and they were of sound mind, the following should help you and your ex get back together.

Pestering and pushing your ex is a poor idea. If you try to constantly get in touch with your ex; whether its by phone, email, text message, or stalking, you're doing more harm than good. They will see this as a sign of desperation. This could push them further away than bring them closer to you.

Don't argue, beg, or plead with your ex about your past relationship. It's easy when you and your mind are all alone. Your mind manifests all sorts of wrongs that you may have done. Even when your ex broke up with you they may have gave you reasons why. Now, you're probably beating yourself up over them. You probably wish you had never done those things. The past is the past. This is the present.

Get it into your mind that the relationship is over, at least for now. You can't go back in time, no matter how much you wish you could. Concentrate on what is going on now. The only thing worse than obsessively contacting your ex is to beg or plead with them. Make promises how you'll change, etc. This won't help you and your ex get back together at all.

If you back off, give them some time, and live your life, you'll be doing yourself a big favor in more ways than one. You'll probably become more desirable to your ex, because you're allowing them to think about you and miss you. You'll also be helping yourself to live a happier, more fulfilling life too.

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Getting Your Ex Back and the Law of Attraction

Ambrosia — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 14:13:53 +0000

A period of grief after a breakup is natural. Even if you expected it, saw it coming. The fact that it happened, why it can be enough to knock you off your feet, literally. You take to your bed, you don't go out, you spend every waking thought remembering the one you've lost. And maybe, just maybe, you think about using the Law of Attraction to get them back.

You switch from remembering images of the past to conjuring up those of the future. You focus so intensely that you can not only see your loved one's face, but hear her voice, smell her perfume, feel the warmth of her skin. Hmm... Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? The Law of Attraction, you're sure, will work for you. At some time in the near future, if you just concentrate hard enough, you will see her again, hear her sweet voice, inhale her presence and feel her in your arms.

There's only one problem: You may not use the Law of Attraction to control another person. You should not even try to use it to try to bend them to your will. It will only backfire -- and badly.

Instead, focus on the relationship that you want. I repeat, on the relationship -- not the person. Focus on how your ideal relationship makes you feel. Be as detailed about those feelings as possible. Focus until you can feel the feelings.

Close your eyes and envision how you spend your time with your ideal mate. Do not focus on what you used to do with your ex. Picture what life it going to be like with your new person. Write down the details and meditate on them. Make them real.

Again, do no picture your ex. It's hard, of course, but it's essential. If you want to use the Law of Attraction to bring the perfect love into your life, then you must trust it. You must not block the flow. That's what you're doing when you focus on one specific person. You're telling the universe how to make your dreams come true -- in effect saying that you'll reject any happiness it sends you if it doesn't include your ex. You don't want to do that. You want to be open to the perfect love, whether that's a stranger or someone you know and suddenly see in a different light.

Ironically, focusing on the future relationship you want instead of the one you had, might just result in your ex coming back to you. If this is the right person, then your ex will be drawn back to you, will want to be with you. If not, then you'll be blessed for having let go of your ex gently, for having trusted that the right person will enter your life.

One important last thing:

Show gratitude. Concentrate on the love that's already in your life, whether it's the love and respect of friends, colleagues, children, or pets. All love is valuable. All love is powerful.

And show faith: Thank the universe for having brought a perfect love into your life. Say these words as you go throughout your work day, "Thank you for my good husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend." Say them and believe.

Dealing With Breakup Causes Breakup Pain

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Coping With a Broken Relationship is No Simple Task: 3 Things that Make it Easier

Ambrosia — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 16:47:11 +0000

There are many things in life, like coping with a broken relationship, that will prove to be most unpleasant tasks. Whatever the reason for a relationship ending there is likely to be more than a little hurt on both sides of the equation. The decision to end a relationship is never an easy decision and should not be taken lightly.

However, there are a few things you can do while coping with a broken relationship that will improve the odds of getting back together when all is said and done. That is, of course, if you are interested in attempting to save the relationship.

Dont Shoot Yourself in the Foot

Ever watch old episodes of the Andy Griffith show? Barney was only allowed to carry a single bullet in his shirt pocket so that he doesnt accidentally cause mayhem (which he somehow always managed to do regardless of the fact). The running gag was that he might shoot himself in the foot.

You dont want to shoot yourself in the foot, so get rid of the ammunition. Let go of the pain, insecurity, retaliations, old grudges, old slights, and petty jealousies. Let them all go and start over with a clean slate so that neither of you are carrying the chalky, dirty residue of the past into what you hope will be the next step in your relationship.

Dont Lock Yourself in a Cage You Cant Get Out Of

Another running gag on the Andy Griffith show is that Andy and Barney always seemed to be landing themselves in the slammer. Considering their positions it was no laughing matter (although it led to plenty of laughs on the other side of the television screen).

You do not want to lock yourself into a prison of no escape while coping with a broken relationship. Avoid confrontation and thoughtless words and gestures during this trying time for both of you. You cant un-say something so it is better to guard your words carefully when speaking to your ex or in any manner that may get back to your ex.

Rely on Your Friends to Pull You Through

The final lesson to be learned about coping with a broken relationship is that your friends can get you through almost anything. You dont need to watch the Andy Griffith show to see this in action but if you do, you will find that there are all kinds of people you know and love that you can see in the faces and characteristics of those kind people in Mayberry.

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The Best Ways to Get Your Ex Back: Advice for the Broken-Hearted

Ambrosia — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 13:05:51 +0000

When he told you it was over, you heard your heart snap like a fragile twig. You just know youre never going to be able to get over the pain he caused you. You still love him and you want to get him back. Of course youre going to try to plead with him to take you back because that seems like the most logical reaction. However, thats probably one of the worst ways you could handle a break up.If you want to get your ex back, take the following advice to heart. Youre going to want to contact your ex as much as possible to let him know that youve either changed, that you still love him, or that he should really reconsider having left you. You might want to threaten him, give him an ultimatum, cry or act in any irrational way in order to get his attention and to take you back.

Dont do it.

Hes still not going to be over his own pain at having to leave you (because believe it or not, hes likely feeling hurt by his decision, too) and if you keep pestering him, hes only going to feel he was right from the beginning. You both need time to heal and actually miss each other if you want to get back together.

Remain active. If you need something to take your mind off of your pain, doing something will be better than doing nothing. This activity can either be physical or social (though the latter often involves the former). Do some volunteer workone of the best ways to stop feeling horrible is to help others.

Youre allowed to feel the pain of a heart break, but dont let it consume or control you. Ways to avoid this are by being physically and socially active. If you surround yourself with people, theyll be able to help you control your emotions instead of your emotions controlling you.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up with your ex, but of making up the right way!

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How to Get Over a Bad Breakup – Getting Over Last Night to Face Tomorrow

Ambrosia — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 10:29:23 +0000

Learning how to get over a bad breakup is one of those things most of us hope to never need to do. It's not a simple matter of getting up the next morning as though nothing has happened. Something has happened and the explosions from last night left witnesses.

There are bound to be questions, people will notice that you aren't together, and your family will need to be told (not so they can give you the third degree or remind you about the need for grandchildren but so they don't hear from someone else and bring the wrath of the clan down on your shoulders).

The wrath of the family is far more fearsome than the thought of facing the world alone in the cold harsh light of morning. Once you've broken up though this is what is going to have to be done. Getting over that one final, fateful night can be difficult in its own right. Once you begin remembering things that were said, insults that were hurled with the rocket laser arm accuracy of the best NFL quarterback in the game, and the way things ended you might find yourself wanting to hide from the world for a little while. You can't do that.

That is not the way how to get over a bad breakup. So, what do you do?

Get your ex back.

How do you do that?

1) Get back out there in public. While you may feel like you're dying inside you can't let your ex see you sweat. Get out there in front of real people, doing real things, and making sure that everyone knows you're not falling apart.

2) Start working on one killer apology. Your apology must be as accurate and dead on as the insults your hurling last night. Make your apology specific, short, and sweet.

Before you set this plan into motion you need to be prepared for what comes next. Getting your ex to return a call or contact you is only half the battle. Watch this important free video:http://www.getyourexbacknow.com/just_break_up3.html to learn what the second phase of your plan toget your ex back must include.

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He Says He Wants Space, But Doesn’t Want to Lose You

Ambrosia — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 16:02:46 +0000

You love him. Oh, you love him so much. The last thing you would want to do is "crowd" him. And you didn't think you were. You thought all the togetherness you and your boyfriend were experiencing was as wonderful for him as it was for you. Only now he says something that indicates he felt just the opposite.

He says he wants his space -- but he doesn't want to lose you. Huh?

First reaction: "Well, just how much space, darling? Should I go stand on the other side of the room or leave the house entirely?"

His answer: "No, no. Don't leave. It's just that ... well, I need some space."

Women are always puzzled when a man says he wants his space. What exactly does it mean to you and to your relationship?

To be blunt about it, when you hear a woman say, "he said he wants his space, but doesn't want to lose me," she's talking about a manwho wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Now, that sounds harsh, doesn't it? Well, I do believe in plain speaking, and hiding the truth from you will not help you.

Every time a woman tells me, "he said he wants his space, but doesn't want to lose me," I wonder whether she realizes what he's actually asking her to do. Does she realize that he is floating the idea that he can keep her as his girlfriend without remaining her boyfriend? Does she realize that he wants to enjoy the benefits of her love while doing none of the work that goes along with it? That he is leaving her, but not doing so in any honest way? That he is, in fact, sneaking out the side door?

Now, this doesn't mean he's a bad person. It could mean that he's going through a particularly bad time in his life, though. If you're dating a divorcing man, you might hear him say this. He doesn't want to be alone, but he doesn't want to take on the responsibility of making a commitment, either.

Or maybe he is under some other source of pressure, one that is causing him to hesitate to make decisions. And so, he says he wants space, but doesn't want to lose you.

That is a far kinder interpretation, however, than is usually warranted. It is too often the case that a man who says he wants space has already left the building. Saying he doesn't want to lose you is a way of giving you false hope and making him feel less guilty.

How do you react?

First, ask a couple of clarifying questions. What exactly is space? Does he want to see other people? Does he want to continue seeing you? Pose these questions, but don't expect to get clear answers.

Second, figure out what you want.

What is the best way to maintain the relationship?

First, ascertain whether there is a relationship. Very often this desire to have space will come along around the third month of dating. The third month is a transitional one. You're moving from simply being two people who date to being seen as a couple. This might be fine with you, for example, but bother him. Suddenly, he finds himself sliding into a "relationship," coupledom, when all he wanted was someone familiar he could date.

Unfortunately, by the time a man says he wants his space, he has alread

Again, what do you do?

Figure out what you want. At least, he is aware of his confusion. Are you aware of yours? If you are certain you want to be in a committed relationship, then you have to accept that this man, at least at this time, cannot give you what you want. Yes, you can probably persuade him to stay, but will not be "getting back together."

You will not be making up the right way. Making up the right way means commitment to the relationship from both sides, not just one.

Short and sweet: Let him go. And let go of the fear that keeps you tied to someone who is pushing you away. Let him go.

And be free to meet the right one, the one with whom you'll experience love the right way.

He Says He Wants Space. What Does That Mean and How Do I Get Him Back?

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