The Joy of Making Up the Right Way | The Magic of Making Up » Get Your Ex Back

Love Letters to Help You Get Your Ex Back

Ambrosia — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 03:45:19 +0000

Letter writing: In general, it's a lost art form. Most of us are content to bemoan it and not do anything about it -- not until we have to write one of the most important letters in our lives -- a letter meant to get our ex back. Suddenly, we need to utilize a skill that's rusty under the best of circumstances and nearly impossible, now, under the worst.

Letter writing requires a cool head and a tender heart. When we're suffering the pain of a breakup, many of us are angry, tearful, terrified and yes, desperate. We'll say whatever comes into our minds, express whatever fury or misery that has control of our hearts. We find it impossible to think clearly, much less put down in written form exactly what those thoughts are. As a result, many of us resort to texting, emailing. These are quick fix solutions. They do have their place in the strategy of getting your ex back, but not when it comes to doing the heavy lifting.

How do you write a letter to get your ex back? A love letter that will express what's in your heart without scaring him or her away? A letter that you're sure they'll read? Follow these instructions.

You're going to write a physical letter. Why? Because it's unusual. People rarely get real letters these days. The fact that you would take the time to write one will already go toward pleading your case. Second, it's take more mental effort to throw away a letter than it does to delete an email. Even your ex does throw your letter away, he or she will still think of it, in the trash can and will probably, eventually, go and retrieve it.

First, go out and buy a blank note card, a nice-sized one, not too big and not too small. Why does size matter? If it's too large, you'll either say too much or look as though you're saying too little. Too small and it's vice versa. So a medium-sized card with an evocative, tasteful and non-aggressive design is what you'll aim for.

Pick a card with a photo or art work on the cover that reminds your ex of a good time you spent together -- a picture of a beach in Aruba if you went there on holiday, for example, or of the Eiffel Tour, if you vacationed in Paris. It can be a photo of any place or thing that will trigger conscious (or subconscious) memories of a wonderful and happy time spent together. (Don't go for anything outr or maudlin. No cards with large puppy dog eyes, for example.)

And make sure the card is blank on the inside.

Now, for the "hard" part: the actually composition of the letter!

Terrified are you? One minute your mind was full of things to say. Now, you're staring at that blank card and your mind is as blank as it is. Except it isn't. Your mind, your heart, they're overflowing. The sense of blankness comes from all those thoughts and emotions elbowing each other, trying to get out at the same time.

You're going to take a deep breath, find a note pad and practice writing the following:

(a) That you're doing well and trust that your ex is doing well also; (1 sentence)
(b) That you saw the breakup coming and that you agree with it: you two would do well with some time apart; (1 sentence)
(c) That your ex was right about ________________ (fill in the blank) and that you'll learn to do things differently next time. (1-2 sentences)
(d) That your life is going really well; in fact, and you're excited about a new project, development, or turn of events. (1 sentence)

Use your own words, and keep it simple. The body of the letter should be no more than six (6) sentences. That bears repeating: six sentences, max.

Opening sentence (a) is self-explanatory. Sentence (b) is a matter of putting your ex at ease, and of admitting the truth to yourself. You do have to accept the breakup. The breakup is a fact. It's done, a fait accompli. You must accept it and deal with it if you have any hopes of rescuing the relationship. This sentence also helps restore the power balance. Reclaim some of the power you lost when your ex left. Yes, he or she initiated the breakup, but you wholly agree with it.

In sentence (c), you accept your responsibility for your share (no matter how minimal) in the breakup. Do not admit to something you have not done. Find something that your ex was correct in complaining about and apologize. Do not defend yourself or explain your side of it. This is not the time for that. Use no more than two sentences. Tops.

Sentence (d) serves two purposes: It reminds you that despite your despair over the (temporary) loss of your relationship, you do have stuff to be happy about. It also tells your ex that you're aware of that fact. What new project or development or turn of events? Who knows? Life is constantly changing. It could be something as simple as your own change in attitude -- or something as major as a new job. Whatever it is, do not -- I repeat -- do not specify it in the letter. You're only mentioning it to awaken your ex's curiosity.

It also convey the impression that you're doing fine, that you're strong, and that as much as you want this person back, losing this is not the endall of your existence. Sentence (d) closes the letter on a positive note. The tone of the entire letter in fact should be upbeat, straightforward, ahead-looking.

Again, come up with simple sentences that sound like you. If it helps, imagine that your ex is in the room, that you're talking to her (or him) face-to-face and write down what you'd say. Or speak into a dictaphone. Then write that down. When done, listen to what you've said, read what you've written and ask yourself this one important question: "Would I be happy getting a letter like this from someone I just left?"

In other words, does the letter convey love and warmth (both attractive, irresistible emotions), or does it contain traces of anger?

If your letter is emotionally "clean," then go to the card and write the real version.

Sign it with something as neutral as "Yours."

There, that wasn't so difficult, was it?

Now, for the final touch. You must, absolutely must, use this final touch. And you must be correct in your choice.

If you're a man, scent the card with your cologne. Make sure, absolutely sure, it's the one she loved on you. If you're a woman, spritz the missive with the perfume he gave you. You get the idea. We're talking semi-subliminal attraction -- working the senses. When done this way, the card invokes three of the senses:

- touch (the physicality of the card; it's real and he or she will be touching what you've touched);
- sight (the evocative image on the cover, the sight of your handwriting);
- smell (a wonderful aroma associated with you and romantic moments).

What do you do if your handwriting is terrible? All the more reason for you to keep the letter brief. Whatever you do, write the letter by hand. Do not type it. That would eliminate a large part of the letter's potency.

One last tip: Don't spritz the card itself -- it could leave stains. Spritz the inside of the envelope. Lightly.

Address the letter by hand. Then affix a stamp. Make sure the stamp is remarkable, and even evocative in its own way. Please, do not have your secretary stamp the letter with a postage meter. Everything, again, everything about this card must be personal, and therefore intimate.

All that's left now is to drop the card in the mailbox.

Afterward, you'll feel better for having taken a healthy step toward both recovering and rekindling your relationship. You'll have done something you can be proud of.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but of making up the right way!

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“Can I Get My Girlfriend Back Ever?”

Ambrosia — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 11:24:12 +0000

"Can I get my girlfriend back ever?" If you're asking yourself that question, then ... it sounds like you're in a desperate situation. You see only a small sliver of hope. Now is the time to keep the faith. You must believe that your heart will not stay broken.

The truth is that one of you made a serious mistake. Who was it? Can the person who made the mistake that caused the break up be trusted again? No, answering that question won't tell you whether you can get your girlfriend back, but it will help you know whether you should.

Should you two get back together? Is it a good idea? If you are fully convinced that it is, then you might be able to. All you have to do is convince your ex girlfriend that you should. How should you do that?

Write down all the reasons you two should get back together. You don't need to compose a letter. Just make a list. Put down all the reasons why you want her back -- and why she should take you back, too.

You can even entitle it, "Can I get my girlfriend back? Should I even try?"

Write down everything that occurs to you. Even if it seems silly. Sometimes, it's the little things that make the difference, that tip the scale.

Once done, make a third list. List everything that works against you and your girlfriend getting back together. Write down each problem or source of disagreement. Write down the reasons you broke up, big and small, spoken and unspoken.

Then review all three lists.

Pretty soon, you'll see the answer to the question, "Can I get my girlfriend back?"

Look at this all critically and try to convince yourself that getting your girlfriend back is NOT a good idea. Argue against your heart. Yes, it's hard. But it will help you achieve distance. And it will help you develop your strategy for getting her back. It will help you understand her reasons for the breakup.

It will also help you accept that no matter what you say, or do, she might refuse to get back together with you. If she just does not want to get back together, accept it. You can't make her want you. You can't convince her that she should.

However, if a part of her does want to be with you, then with the help of the List Method, the answer to "Can I get my girlfriend back?" is "yes."

Whatever you do, remember this: Its not just a matter of making up, but ofmaking up the right way!

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Spring Fever & Getting Back Together

Ambrosia — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 22:45:37 +0000

Spring is finally here. Along with it comes a resurgence of longing for that special someone.

Maybe the break up isn't that "fresh," anymore. Maybe it even happened a couple of months ago. You've followed all the advice about giving your ex a cooling off period, time to breathe, time to miss you. You've given yourself time to see if you really want to get back together.

And now you know. You do want to get back together. You really do.

You know that no matter how much time passes, you will always miss her. You will always want her back.

You've tried to date new people. What happens? The nicer the person is, the guiltier you feel. Because you're not interested in him. He's not the man you love. He is not the one who got away.

All you really want is your ex. All you think about is getting back together. Especially now, when the weather is getting warmer.

What's the first step toward getting back together with your ex?

The first is to take a realistic assessment of your chances of getting back together. How do you do that? Find out where your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is emotionally. Is he or she dating, anyone? Are there signs that he or she misses you, too?

Even if your ex is dating someone else, you might still stand a chance of getting back together. Start with a text message, then an email. Always be light-hearted. If closed, then reopen the channels of communication with your ex gradually. Who knows? He or she might be thrilled that you took the first step. You'll never know if you don't try.

But whatever you do, remember this: It's not just a matter of making up, but of making up the right way!

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Can I Get My Ex Back With a Confident Attitude?

Ambrosia — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:22:43 +0000

Although a breakup with a boyfriend or with a girlfriend can be really depressing, it does not need to mean that the relationship is over. Even if the breakup should suddenly leave you feeling confusion and loneliness, you may still feel really eager to heal the wounds and jump right back in to that relationship with your ex. If you are asking yourself "How can I get my ex back?", then there are some things you need to know. If you learn how to react following a break up, and you become aware of how not to strain the relationship even further, then getting ex back will be easier than ever.

It can seem hard to keep up a cheerful attitude throughout your day following a breakup, but it is believed by relationship experts believe that an optimistic and confident attitude can go a long way. Here are some of the ways that a confident attitude can answer the question "how can I get my ex back?"

Keep your confidence - If you are asking "how can I get my ex back?", then you should remain confident. Rather than going around feeling gloomy, try to find ways that you can keep yourself occupied and happy. Keep the depression out of your demeanor. Allow your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to know that you are strong and that you are more than capable of handling such an emotional situation, and also that you are capable of surviving on your own as well.

Remain socially active - If getting your ex back is your primary focus, surround yourself with well wishers, positive attitudes and good friends. Show your ex that people appreciate you, and that they love having you around. As more people begin to feel good about your presence in their lives, your ex will begin to see you in a completely new light. He or she will realize that yes, you are a good person that they simply cannot afford to let go of. This is one of the best ways to let your ex notice you in a new light.

Maintain a good appearance - Another solution to "How can I get my ex back?" is not to let your appearance reflect your situation. You need to pay attention to every detail of your looks, including your clothes, your make up, your hair, your stride, your shoes and even your voice. It can be hard to act happy or to take care of yourself following a bad breakup, but this is one of the best ways that you can let your ex know that you are doing just fine, and do not need to beg for his or her sympathy. You are going to get back together like adults who are mature and responsible if you are going to get back together at all.

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How (Not) to Win Love Back: The Evil Games People Play

Ambrosia — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 17:23:50 +0000

Too many people think they must aggressively pursue their ex in order to get him or her back. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. If you want to know how to win love back, follow the advice in this article as closely as possible.

The first thing you need to know in the how to win love back arena is that you do not want to chase your ex.

Too many guys think they must pursue their exes. They send hundreds of texts, call at odd hours of the day, and even stalk their ex girlfriend's home. They send flowers and gifts.

This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Why?

Well, you'll hear a lot of people tell you that it makes you look "desperate." Could be. But that's not the main problem. The main problem is that it makes cling, and when you cling to someone who wants to get away, it just makes that person want to get away harder. So when you're "try everything and now" mode of trying to win love back, you end up driving it away.

Guys think -- and are so worried about -- losing a woman's respect, that she'll play "games" with him if he shows "desperation." If your girlfriend wanted to get away from you, for whatever reason, then the last thing she wants to do is play games. She wants her "space." She wants time out. And the best -- most common sensical things you can do for her is give it to her.

There are those who would recommend that you play "games" with her head, too. They would say that they best way to win back her love would be to pretend absolute lack of interest.

They would suggest that when you are in a group that includes her, flirt with every girl but her. If she has an enemy in the group, pay special attention to that girl. By ignoring your ex, you make her want to come back to you. You are reminding her of all of your charms, but not applying them to her. That's what some folks would say.

I understand the method or reason behind the madness, but I still think such a technique could sadly backfire. First, if you two get caught up in games, then when does the honesty enter? Second, if she's the type who only wants you when you appear not to want her, then she doesn't really want you at all. Third, if you play up to another girl who sincerely thinks you're interested in her, then you're using someone, playing with her emotions just to manipulate your ex.

Not a good idea.

I've heard it said that it's a good idea to go out on a date with one of her close friends. To send your ex a text message saying, "now that we're just friends, I wanted your opinion on something. Where should I take Mary to dinner after the big game?" That is sure to make your ex girlfriend jealous. It's also sure to cause trouble between her and Mary, while setting Mary up for a disappointment. Some would say it's a great trick for winning her love back. I say it's just a good way to spread the misery and practically ensure that she'll never come back to you.

These are just some of the evil games people play when trying to figure out how to win love back. Don't you play them. They'll only backfire.

And, that is my advice for how (not) to win love back.

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How to Get your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Driving Him Away

Ambrosia — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 19:50:18 +0000

Did something go wrong between you and your boyfriend, causing one or both of you to flee? If you were well on your way to creating a happy relationship and somehow managed to fall off the track, don't worry! It is possible to learn how to get your ex boyfriend back with the right steps and a basic understanding of where to go from here.

Ask yourself four vital questions. These are really important questions when it comes to figuring out how to get your ex boyfriend back.

- Is the matter that caused the breakup actually important enough to warrant the attention it is getting?

- Is it even really appropriate to argue about this matter right now?

- Can anything be changed or made different by prevailing in the argument or is it more worthwhile to just nip the argument in the bud and move on?

- Is the issue even worth arguing about in the first place?

If you answer no to any of the aforementioned questions, then stop pressing the matter and let it slide. Many break ups can be prevented or quickly rekindled if a large argument is settled. Surprisingly enough, many breakup inducing argument are really completely unnecessary, and could be cast aside if only the parties involved could let the tension slide and move on.

The next step to learning how to get your ex boyfriend back is to stop fretting so hard about how you are being perceived. It really does not matter if people think you are funny or too serious, fat or too thin, stupid or intelligent. You want to let go on these concerns so that you can finally be yourself and let your behavior flow. This way, people like your ex boyfriend will perceive you for who you actually are, rather than who you are trying to be.

Emotionally and mentally distancing yourself from your ex is an important step in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is actually important to take yourself out of the situation mentally, removing the stress associated with the break up. When you are feeling more calmed and relaxed, and he is feeling the same, this is when true resolution can finally become a part of the dialogue between the two of you. A little bit of distance never hurt anyone. It's important to stay in contact and maintain positive conversation and communication, but take the emotions out of the situation if you want to survive the conversation.

Once your head is clear, and his head is clear, this is when the situation can be truly analyzed for what it is. When you and your ex are no longer feeling so hot headed about the issue that led to the breakup, this is when you can sit down together and communicate through a solution.

Most breakups can be easily undone if you and your ex boyfriend can simply find the patience and civility to talk things through, so this should be your primary goal if you want to rekindle the flame with an ex significant other that you care significantly for.

These are just the beginning steps in how to win your ex boyfriend back without driving him away. They are the initial steps I followed when I lost the love of my life. And frankly these aren't my original ideas. I turned to T 'Dub' Jackson when I had no idea of how to get my true love back.

T 'Dub' authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know, it worked like magic for us. Now we are more in love than ever.

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Toxic Relationships (Part 3) – Repairing the Bonds in a Healthy Way

Ambrosia — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:49:16 +0000

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some people leave the toxic partner and form new, healthier bonds. Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

Many relationships are salvageable. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you're willing to walk away. If you are not willing to walk away -- really walk and keep on going -- then, you will never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say, "I need your support. I need your love," or "I need your truthful opinion."

If you don't get what you need, the other person should know that you're prepared to walk. You won't be able to convey that unless you really feel it. If your partner tells you that he or she doesn't like "ultimatums," just say you're stating the facts and you believe in giving fair warning. Do not argue. Stay calm and be prepared to hear harsh words. This person is invested in keeping you low. They may not respond as you would like. It doesn't matter. Stay calm. Stay resolute. In a sense, you're fighting for the both of you, because a toxic relationship is unhealthy for both of the two people involved.

A healthy relationship is a two-way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

If you must go, then go. Feel good, knowing that you have made a brave and difficult decision. Let your friends help you.

If your partner comes after you, and tries to lure you back, stay strong. Be clear about what you would like changed. And maybe he or she will surprise you. Maybe your partner will want change, too. Then stay apart, but work together, to rebuild your emotional home.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but making up the right way!

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Toxic Relationships (Part 2) – How to Leave Your Toxic Lover

Ambrosia — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 11:16:41 +0000

This site about how to get back with your ex. At least, that's what it looks like. What this site is really about is getting back with the one you love. In all cases, the one you love should be yourself. And in every case, the best way to get back with your ex, is by first reconnecting with yourself.

That being said, the reconnection with self sometimes requires that you break up with you partner. If you're caught up in a toxic relationship, for example, then you need to break up with that person. You need to find the strength to save yourself.

How do you leave a toxic relationship?

The first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, you must start to stand up for yourself. Easier said, than done. No doubt, your toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. You know in your mind that this is not true -- sort of. By now, you probably even hear your partner criticizing you from the inside out. His or her voice follows you everywhere, affects your confidence about everything your do. Your partner does not even have to be in physically present. He or she has injected you with so much mental poison that it affects you even when you are away from them.

But you can still free yourself from them. You can still be the person who says, "Enough. I'm breaking up with you." How?

Talk to the people who love you, especially friends you withdrew from earlier on.
Do one thing every day to reconnect with yourself, one thing that reminds you of who you were before you met this person
If you two are living together, then start planning alternate living arrangements
Consider joining a therapy group. For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

Suppose you have reached this point? What happens next? Stay tuned for Part 3 and we'll discuss the aftermath of leaving your toxic lover.

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How to Get Your Ex Back in 4 Simple Steps

Ambrosia — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:14:21 +0000

Almost everyone in their life has had to go through a breakup. A breakup is a strange thing. Most things in life, the more you do them, the easier it becomes to do. With breakups no matter how many you've had to go through in the past, they certainly don't become easier to go through.

After a breakup, unless the relationship was completely terrible, most people desire to get their ex back. In fact, sometimes, even if the relationship was unhealthy, they still desire to get their ex back. You really shouldn't try to get back with your ex if they ever used physical violence or words to hurt you. That is not a healthy relationship. If you were in a relationship like that and your ex broke up with you, then consider yourself lucky.

Otherwise, most relationships follow a pretty predictable pattern. When you first meet someone everything is wonderful and new. They can do no wrong and you can do no wrong in their eyes. After a short while comfort sets in. You adjust to each other. When the newness is gone and the comfort is there things in the relationship change. The little quirks you were willing to overlook before actually bother you now.

There is an expression: "Familiarity breeds contempt." Truer words couldn't be spoken for relationships. After a couple get comfortable and familiar with each other, trouble usually starts. This is exactly what tests the strength of the relationship. It takes work and effort to maintain a relationship. Sometimes, when things break, instead of getting repaired, the other person wants out of the relationship completely

Do you believe, despite it being over, your relationship is worth salvaging, even if the other person made it clear, it's over? You need some answers on how get your ex back. Here are four steps you can take.

1. Say you're sorry

Saying you are sorry is one of the best how get your ex back methods. Even if it doesn't get your ex back, it's usually the best first step. Be sure that you say sorry for the right reasons. After a breakup it can be easy to blame yourself for everything. Remember, it takes two people to have a successful relationship. Knowing what exactly to apologize for is critical.

Whatever you do, when you apologize, don't let your ex bait you into an argument. The biggest irony of saying sorry to an ex is that it can easily lead to another fight. If you say you're sorry, and your ex brings something else up, don't get defensive. Stay calm, keep your emotions, your ego, and your pride in check.

2. Sit down and talk things out

If your ex is up to it, set a time where both of you can sit down and talk. Whatever you don't beg, plead, cry, or force your ex into this. If they don't want to, then just go to the next step. If they do agree, you're going to have to keep your emotions in check. This isn't the time to get into a fight again. Make it clear to your ex that you have no desire to bring blame into the discussion.

You want to talk about the issues objectively. If you talk strictly about the issues without assigning blame, you'll get better results. It is best if you can get a therapist or an expert in the field of relationships involved with this, if at all possible.

3. Give some space

This may seem counter-intuitive to how get your ex back. You have to remember just because you want to talk to them or see them, doesn't mean they do. It is crucial to allow the partner some space. A brief time away from each other, before you try to win them back, will give you both time to cool down and a chance for them to miss you. If you're in touch with them all the time, they won't be able to miss you.

4. Show them you care about yourself

Prove to them that you care about yourself. If you seem desperate, clingy, and whiny, you will not succeed. If you sit around the house waiting for them to call or keep checking your email every few minutes hoping to get their message, you're not doing yourself any favors. Hang out with friends. Go to movies, go to concerts, go to the mall. Whatever, just get up and get out and live your life.

It's best if you're not there when your ex calls. Then they'll be wondering what you're doing. If you're out and your cell rings and its your ex, don't answer it. Let the call go to voice mail. The best thing to do is wait until the next day to call them back. Tell them you were busy, and you didn't have time to call them back. This will probably shock them. You may even be able to get them to pursue you again.

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Toxic Relationships (Part 1) – Are You In One?

Ambrosia — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:42:58 +0000

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

Does your partner:

mock you, make fun of you or otherwise criticize you in front of others?
say she or he loves you, but act otherwise?
try to control you, by reading your mail or showing up at places just to check up on you?
try to make you dependent on him or her?

Have you:

changed things about yourself to please them?
distanced yourself from friends and/or family because your partner didn't like them?
stopped taking part in your favorite hobbies or sports because your partner criticized them?
started taking part in activities that you don't enjoy because your partner wants you to?

If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then read on!

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically poisoned?

The answer is simple: most people don't consciously realize they're being drawn into a toxic relationship until it's too late. A toxic relationship has a cycle. There s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation -- at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until theyve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.

Having said that, it seems that some people end up in toxic relationships more than others. These people are more likely to enter into and endure a toxic relationships because it's familiar to them -- they grew up in toxic homes. Now, adults, they replicate the patterns of their childhood. They don't even realize that they're doing it. And, they may not know any better. Having never seen a nurturing, healthy relationship, they have no idea how to find one or even create one.

Other people simply do not believe that they have a right to be happy. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people. They feel strong when taking care of the weak. They don't realize, however, that weak people can be manipulative in their own way.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, then you have to leave it. This is one case in which you must find the means and the strength to breakup. In Part 2, we'll discuss how to do it.

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