Saving a marriage after adultery can be a very hard and time consuming process. You spent all that time together, loving each other and pledging to be faithful to each other only to have that trust get betrayed. Most marriages end after an affair because it is just so hard to ever trust that person again.

Despite having an affair, some couples still very much love each other. Affairs are nothing more then a symptom of a deeper underlying problem. The first thing you need to do is find out what that problem is, what is causing you to stray from your marriage.

The thing is that as we get older we change and we may acquire different tastes or grow tired of the old. This is where affairs usually take place, once the marriage has settled into a routine and the offending party simply grew bored of it all.

It is understandable, if not acceptable, why the offending party would cheat under those circumstances. As cruel as it may sound, we all grow bored if we do the same thing over and over again. This applies to marriage just the same as it applies to everything else.

The first thing you need to do after adultery, if you wish to save your marriage, is to forgive the offending partner. This likely will not happen over night and it will be very hard. They betrayed your trust and it will take a lot of time and effort on their part to earn it back.

But once you have forgiven them, you can move on to fixing the underlying problems that led to the affair. This is a crucial step. If you do not fix the problem them history will likely just repeat itself. So it is vitally important that you find out why they cheated, really get down to the root of the problem.

Once you have discovered what exactly it was that drove them to cheat, you can work on fixing it. In most cases an affair happens because one of the people involved has grown tired of the routine sexual activities. If this was the case then you might want to sit down with your partner and discuss ways to spice up your love life.

If you can just make changes to the areas the offending party has grown tired of, it can go a long way to prevent them from every straying again. So if it was them growing bored of your love life, then make sure you fix that and talk with them about it.

If it was not something related to your love life, then it may be trickier to fix. Even if this is the case the fundamental points still hold true. Talk with them and find out specifically what they thought the problem was, and why they cheated. From there you just have to make steps towards changing those aspects.

No matter what the case may be, life after adultery can be hard and emotionally taxing. What you need to remember is that you should always do what is best for you. If you feel you can forgive them and continue loving them despite their betrayal, then go for it. However if you do not feel you can forgive them, do not feel guilty or ashamed, they betrayed you so it is your right to walk away.

Relations require a lot of work and can be wonderful things. But sometimes we can argue and have fights. When this happens both parties get mad at each other and there is obvious friction.

When this happens you probably want to apologize to your boyfriend. Whether you were to blame or not sometimes it is good to just say sorry and move on.

If this is the case you may asking yourself how you go about apologizing to him. Well there are a number of things you can do to Say sorry to your boyfriend and to make it seem sincere.

If you do not apologize after doing something wrong it could severely damage your relationship. Even if you do not break up it can put a very big fissure between the two of you and cause a lot of tension which will just build up until the next fight.

Saying sorry to your boyfriend can be hard, especially if he was at fault. But even so there are things you can do to help make it easier and increase the chances of him accepting your apology.

1: Make sure to give him some space. Sometimes people just need to be left alone to be mad. If you try to act too soon it could just spark another fight and undo all your efforts. So giving him some time to cool off can greatly increase your chances of success.

2: Let him vent. This is another important thing you have to do. Even if you give him some space and try to talk, he might start yelling again because he is mad. It is human nature to get defensive and retaliate when threatened. Resist this urge as best you can. Let him yell and get it all off his chest, listen to what he has to say. He will calm down and be more willing to talk it over with you.

3: Be sincere. People can pick up on subtle traits and body language which can give you away if you are lying. If you are sorry then say sorry, otherwise it might do more harm then good. Apologies only mean something if you actually mean it.

4: If all else fails, come up with a more long term plan. If nothing you do seems to make a difference, and you are serious about saving your relationship, then you may have to take the high road and work at it. Do not become pushy or needy in any way, shape or form. It is human nature to withdraw or retaliate when pushed so if you try to pressure him about saving the relationship or about how you will change, it will only put him off.

As well avoid any and all arguments. Even if it means being a little yes man and agreeing to everything he says. He needs time to come around and you have to walk on egg shells during this period.

But do not confuse that with becoming a doormat. If he takes advantage of your behavior and tries to milk it for all it is worth, then you might not be able to salvage your relationship. There is walking on egg shells and then there is allowing him to take advantage. You have to draw the line and if he takes too long, you may want to just walk away.

People change. That's a rather simple statement, but it can also hold a lot of depth. If you are in a relationship, then you are well-aware of how appropriate this saying can be. However, if your boyfriend has been acting really strange lately, has been trying to avoid you, or is treating you poorly, then you are probably asking yourself, "Why is my boyfriend acting the way he his?"

If it's any comfort, you should know that a lot of women have asked themselves that exact same question over the years. To be honest, there is a chance that you will never find out the real reason, and that's okay. On the other hand, you are probably worried it could be for any number of reasons, and none of the reasons you are imaging are good.

The first thing you need to consider is that your boyfriend isn't acting differently at all. In other words, the only thing that has really changed is you. Either something else in your life has changed, or you are only now becoming aware of how your boyfriend is acting...even though he may have been acting this way the entire time. Your gut reaction will be that this isn't possible, but take a step back and try to look at things objectively.

Let's assume that your boyfriend really is acting differently. What you need to do is clear your mind of any preconceived ideas for the causes of his behavior. No matter what you think the reason is, there is a strong chance that you are mistaken. Also, if you have a preconceived idea of why he's acting a certain way, then that can lead to false accusations.

Generally speaking, men don't like to talk about things; they are taught to be tough and not show any signs of weakness. For example, your boyfriend may be worried about losing his job, but he won't want to tell you that he's worried because that would be a sign of weakness. However, he could be expressing that stress in other ways, such as having a bad temper. You see the bad temper and ask why is my boyfriend acting this way.

Your mind starts racing and you may even try to think of what you could have done to make him mad. But the truth is that you haven't done anything; it's his job that's the source of the problem. Things will only get better when you get to the root of the problem.

That means you are going to have to get him to open up about what's really bothering him. Under no circumstances should you start the conversation by saying the four words men dread most: "we need to talk." Just tart a natural conversation in a calm and welcoming way. A good way to do this is to ask a few non-threatening, non-accusatory questions. Once he opens up you will have the answer to your question, "Why is my boyfriend acting the way he is?"

Did something go wrong between you and your boyfriend, causing one or both of you to flee? If you were well on your way to creating a happy relationship and somehow managed to fall off the track, don't worry! It is possible to learn how to get your ex boyfriend back with the right steps and a basic understanding of where to go from here.

Ask yourself four vital questions. These are really important questions when it comes to figuring out how to get your ex boyfriend back.

- Is the matter that caused the breakup actually important enough to warrant the attention it is getting?

- Is it even really appropriate to argue about this matter right now?

- Can anything be changed or made different by prevailing in the argument or is it more worthwhile to just nip the argument in the bud and move on?

- Is the issue even worth arguing about in the first place?

If you answer no to any of the aforementioned questions, then stop pressing the matter and let it slide. Many break ups can be prevented or quickly rekindled if a large argument is settled. Surprisingly enough, many breakup inducing argument are really completely unnecessary, and could be cast aside if only the parties involved could let the tension slide and move on.

The next step to learning how to get your ex boyfriend back is to stop fretting so hard about how you are being perceived. It really does not matter if people think you are funny or too serious, fat or too thin, stupid or intelligent. You want to let go on these concerns so that you can finally be yourself and let your behavior flow. This way, people like your ex boyfriend will perceive you for who you actually are, rather than who you are trying to be.

Emotionally and mentally distancing yourself from your ex is an important step in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is actually important to take yourself out of the situation mentally, removing the stress associated with the break up. When you are feeling more calmed and relaxed, and he is feeling the same, this is when true resolution can finally become a part of the dialogue between the two of you. A little bit of distance never hurt anyone. It's important to stay in contact and maintain positive conversation and communication, but take the emotions out of the situation if you want to survive the conversation.

Once your head is clear, and his head is clear, this is when the situation can be truly analyzed for what it is. When you and your ex are no longer feeling so hot headed about the issue that led to the breakup, this is when you can sit down together and communicate through a solution.

Most breakups can be easily undone if you and your ex boyfriend can simply find the patience and civility to talk things through, so this should be your primary goal if you want to rekindle the flame with an ex significant other that you care significantly for.

These are just the beginning steps in how to win your ex boyfriend back without driving him away. They are the initial steps I followed when I lost the love of my life. And frankly these aren't my original ideas. I turned to T 'Dub' Jackson when I had no idea of how to get my true love back.

T 'Dub' authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know, it worked like magic for us. Now we are more in love than ever.

Love ? I love love love you. (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

People never truly understand one another. After all we are not mind readers. This is why doubt can settle in the minds of people in a relationship. You want to believe your boyfriend loves you but there can sometimes be that little nagging doubt in the back of your mind.

That is a problem a lot of women face, they are unsure of whether or not their boyfriends truly love them or not. They are left asking themselves "Does My Boyfirend Really Love ME" and struggling to come up with an answer.

They do not struggle because their boyfriend may not love them and they are having trouble coming up with ways to say otherwise. They struggle because how do you determine whether or not someone loves you? It is an easy question to ask, not an easy one to answer.

There are four good signs to look for that can tell you whether or not your boyfriend loves you. These are no exact nor will they all apply, but they can be a good place to start when trying to answer this question.

1: Look him in the eyes. A man who loves and respects you will not look away and avert his gaze, he will look you straight in the eye. This is how he conveys you are his equal and that he loves you, if he refuses to look you in the eye when expressing his love it may be because he is lying and would feel bad by looking you in the eye when he said that.

2: Men respect the people they love. Respect is an important aspect of relationships and you earn it as your man falls for you. If he could not respect you he very likely would not have fallen in love with you. Part of respecting someone is being honest and open with them. You do not hide or lie to those you respect so he should be willing to share his thoughts and concerns with you. As well as hear out your own concerns and support you when you make a decision.

3: A man who is in love will always make time. People inherently want to be around things they love, it is just human nature. This holds true with men just as much as women so if your man truly does love you he would want to spend time with you, and as such would make time. If he always has something else going on or constantly comes up with excuses, this may be a sign that he does not love you.

4: He will remember your special day. We all have special and important days, be it anniversary or birthdays. If your man loves you he will remember those days and make sure to acknowledge them as best he can.

Now remember that all men are not the same, they may show some of these signs such as not looking you in the eye or forgetting important dates, but that may not mean they do not love you. Some men may simply be too shy to look you in the eye, or forgetful to remember what the date is.

You know your boyfriend better then I ever could so it is at your discretion whether or not these signs truly apply. But they can prove to be a fairly good guideline to help you answer whether or not your boyfriend loves you.

Related articles

• He Said/She Said: Is It Ever Okay To Hook Up With Your Best Friend's Ex?(hellobeautiful.com)

  ---

• Eight Ways to be a Better Boyfriend(socyberty.com)

  ---

You want your ex back. You long for her / hunger for him. But you're scared to call. Don't know what you would say. Don't trust yourself to get the words out -- the right words. So what do you do? You write a letter to your love, baby. That's what.

Will a letter do any good, you wonder. Could a letter actually help you get your ex back?

It sure can. It's a million times better than a text message or an email. For one thing, it suggests that you took more time in composing it. That's a point in your favor. Second, it's physical. Your ex will be holding it in his or her hot little hands. It's real, not just digital bytes on a screen. Another point in your favor. It's unusual. No one writes a letter these days. You grab another point. Your ex can carry it around, mull over it. Check! It takes a lot more strength of will to throw away a physical letter than it does to hit the delete button.

Have I convinced you yet?

Okay, you're convinced. Now you're wondering, "What should I write?"

Let's keep it simple:

(a) Tone: You want to come across as cool, calm, and collected.

(b) Content: If you did something to cause the breakup, you'll want to apologize -- once. No rambling sentences. Just one clean "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. It was thoughtless and I won't do it again."

(c) Content: Accept the breakup. Yup. You heard me. Accept it. And agree that you both need some time off.

Got it? It's all about turning the tables. Doing exactly the opposite of what your ex expects you to. If she expects you to resist the breakup, surprise her by agreeing to it. If he expects you to nag or criticize him, instead apologize for yourself. Most of all, if they're expecting you to run after them, surprise them by standing still. Your ex says he wants distance, give it to him.

Resist any and all temptation to tell him/her (the whole truth of) what you really feel -- i.e., that you're angry, hurt, disappointed, feel betrayed, misled and so on.

Okay, go ahead and tell them -- if you really don't want to get back together again. But if you do want to salvage your relationship, you'll sit on those bad feelings for a while longer. Don't worry. There will be time to let them out -- to express yourself later on. Trust me. There will. Just think -- if your efforts to get your ex back fail, then you can always write them an "I'm so hurt" letter. Just don't do it now.

The letter we're talking about here is a letter to put some emotional power back into your hands. It's a letter that will tell your ex that you miss them -- sure you do -- but you're actually doing quite fine without them. Remember, you've got to sound calm, cheerful even.

This letter is actually part of a finely-honed strategy developed by T 'Dub' Jackson. The full step-by-step instructions for getting your ex back can be found in his book The Magic of Making Up. What's so good about this book is it's down to earth practicality. You'll feel better immediately upon reading this book. Trust me, you will.

So go check it out, right now. Go on! Skidaddle!

Too many people think they must aggressively pursue their ex in order to get him or her back. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. If you want to know how to win love back, follow the advice in this article as closely as possible.

The first thing you need to know in the how to win love back arena is that you do not want to chase your ex.

Too many guys think they must pursue their exes. They send hundreds of texts, call at odd hours of the day, and even stalk their ex girlfriend's home. They send flowers and gifts.

This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Why?

Well, you'll hear a lot of people tell you that it makes you look "desperate." Could be. But that's not the main problem. The main problem is that it makes cling, and when you cling to someone who wants to get away, it just makes that person want to get away harder. So when you're "try everything and now" mode of trying to win love back, you end up driving it away.

Guys think -- and are so worried about -- losing a woman's respect, that she'll play "games" with him if he shows "desperation." If your girlfriend wanted to get away from you, for whatever reason, then the last thing she wants to do is play games. She wants her "space." She wants time out. And the best -- most common sensical things you can do for her is give it to her.

There are those who would recommend that you play "games" with her head, too. They would say that they best way to win back her love would be to pretend absolute lack of interest.

They would suggest that when you are in a group that includes her, flirt with every girl but her. If she has an enemy in the group, pay special attention to that girl. By ignoring your ex, you make her want to come back to you. You are reminding her of all of your charms, but not applying them to her. That's what some folks would say.

I understand the method or reason behind the madness, but I still think such a technique could sadly backfire. First, if you two get caught up in games, then when does the honesty enter? Second, if she's the type who only wants you when you appear not to want her, then she doesn't really want you at all. Third, if you play up to another girl who sincerely thinks you're interested in her, then you're using someone, playing with her emotions just to manipulate your ex.

Not a good idea.

I've heard it said that it's a good idea to go out on a date with one of her close friends. To send your ex a text message saying, "now that we're just friends, I wanted your opinion on something. Where should I take Mary to dinner after the big game?" That is sure to make your ex girlfriend jealous. It's also sure to cause trouble between her and Mary, while setting Mary up for a disappointment. Some would say it's a great trick for winning her love back. I say it's just a good way to spread the misery and practically ensure that she'll never come back to you.

These are just some of the evil games people play when trying to figure out how to win love back. Don't you play them. They'll only backfire.

And, that is my advice for how (not) to win love back.

Although a breakup with a boyfriend or with a girlfriend can be really depressing, it does not need to mean that the relationship is over. Even if the breakup should suddenly leave you feeling confusion and loneliness, you may still feel really eager to heal the wounds and jump right back in to that relationship with your ex. If you are asking yourself "How can I get my ex back?", then there are some things you need to know. If you learn how to react following a break up, and you become aware of how not to strain the relationship even further, then getting ex back will be easier than ever.

It can seem hard to keep up a cheerful attitude throughout your day following a breakup, but it is believed by relationship experts believe that an optimistic and confident attitude can go a long way. Here are some of the ways that a confident attitude can answer the question "how can I get my ex back?"

Keep your confidence - If you are asking "how can I get my ex back?", then you should remain confident. Rather than going around feeling gloomy, try to find ways that you can keep yourself occupied and happy. Keep the depression out of your demeanor. Allow your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to know that you are strong and that you are more than capable of handling such an emotional situation, and also that you are capable of surviving on your own as well.

Remain socially active - If getting your ex back is your primary focus, surround yourself with well wishers, positive attitudes and good friends. Show your ex that people appreciate you, and that they love having you around. As more people begin to feel good about your presence in their lives, your ex will begin to see you in a completely new light. He or she will realize that yes, you are a good person that they simply cannot afford to let go of. This is one of the best ways to let your ex notice you in a new light.

Maintain a good appearance - Another solution to "How can I get my ex back?" is not to let your appearance reflect your situation. You need to pay attention to every detail of your looks, including your clothes, your make up, your hair, your stride, your shoes and even your voice. It can be hard to act happy or to take care of yourself following a bad breakup, but this is one of the best ways that you can let your ex know that you are doing just fine, and do not need to beg for his or her sympathy. You are going to get back together like adults who are mature and responsible if you are going to get back together at all.

Letter writing: In general, it's a lost art form. Most of us are content to bemoan it and not do anything about it -- not until we have to write one of the most important letters in our lives -- a letter meant to get our ex back. Suddenly, we need to utilize a skill that's rusty under the best of circumstances and nearly impossible, now, under the worst.

Letter writing requires a cool head and a tender heart. When we're suffering the pain of a breakup, many of us are angry, tearful, terrified and yes, desperate. We'll say whatever comes into our minds, express whatever fury or misery that has control of our hearts. We find it impossible to think clearly, much less put down in written form exactly what those thoughts are. As a result, many of us resort to texting, emailing. These are quick fix solutions. They do have their place in the strategy of getting your ex back, but not when it comes to doing the heavy lifting.

How do you write a letter to get your ex back? A love letter that will express what's in your heart without scaring him or her away? A letter that you're sure they'll read? Follow these instructions.

You're going to write a physical letter. Why? Because it's unusual. People rarely get real letters these days. The fact that you would take the time to write one will already go toward pleading your case. Second, it's take more mental effort to throw away a letter than it does to delete an email. Even your ex does throw your letter away, he or she will still think of it, in the trash can and will probably, eventually, go and retrieve it.

First, go out and buy a blank note card, a nice-sized one, not too big and not too small. Why does size matter? If it's too large, you'll either say too much or look as though you're saying too little. Too small and it's vice versa. So a medium-sized card with an evocative, tasteful and non-aggressive design is what you'll aim for.

Pick a card with a photo or art work on the cover that reminds your ex of a good time you spent together -- a picture of a beach in Aruba if you went there on holiday, for example, or of the Eiffel Tour, if you vacationed in Paris. It can be a photo of any place or thing that will trigger conscious (or subconscious) memories of a wonderful and happy time spent together. (Don't go for anything outr or maudlin. No cards with large puppy dog eyes, for example.)

And make sure the card is blank on the inside.

Now, for the "hard" part: the actually composition of the letter!

Terrified are you? One minute your mind was full of things to say. Now, you're staring at that blank card and your mind is as blank as it is. Except it isn't. Your mind, your heart, they're overflowing. The sense of blankness comes from all those thoughts and emotions elbowing each other, trying to get out at the same time.

You're going to take a deep breath, find a note pad and practice writing the following:

(a) That you're doing well and trust that your ex is doing well also; (1 sentence)
(b) That you saw the breakup coming and that you agree with it: you two would do well with some time apart; (1 sentence)
(c) That your ex was right about ________________ (fill in the blank) and that you'll learn to do things differently next time. (1-2 sentences)
(d) That your life is going really well; in fact, and you're excited about a new project, development, or turn of events. (1 sentence)

Use your own words, and keep it simple. The body of the letter should be no more than six (6) sentences. That bears repeating: six sentences, max.

Opening sentence (a) is self-explanatory. Sentence (b) is a matter of putting your ex at ease, and of admitting the truth to yourself. You do have to accept the breakup. The breakup is a fact. It's done, a fait accompli. You must accept it and deal with it if you have any hopes of rescuing the relationship. This sentence also helps restore the power balance. Reclaim some of the power you lost when your ex left. Yes, he or she initiated the breakup, but you wholly agree with it.

In sentence (c), you accept your responsibility for your share (no matter how minimal) in the breakup. Do not admit to something you have not done. Find something that your ex was correct in complaining about and apologize. Do not defend yourself or explain your side of it. This is not the time for that. Use no more than two sentences. Tops.

Sentence (d) serves two purposes: It reminds you that despite your despair over the (temporary) loss of your relationship, you do have stuff to be happy about. It also tells your ex that you're aware of that fact. What new project or development or turn of events? Who knows? Life is constantly changing. It could be something as simple as your own change in attitude -- or something as major as a new job. Whatever it is, do not -- I repeat -- do not specify it in the letter. You're only mentioning it to awaken your ex's curiosity.

It also convey the impression that you're doing fine, that you're strong, and that as much as you want this person back, losing this is not the endall of your existence. Sentence (d) closes the letter on a positive note. The tone of the entire letter in fact should be upbeat, straightforward, ahead-looking.

Again, come up with simple sentences that sound like you. If it helps, imagine that your ex is in the room, that you're talking to her (or him) face-to-face and write down what you'd say. Or speak into a dictaphone. Then write that down. When done, listen to what you've said, read what you've written and ask yourself this one important question: "Would I be happy getting a letter like this from someone I just left?"

In other words, does the letter convey love and warmth (both attractive, irresistible emotions), or does it contain traces of anger?

If your letter is emotionally "clean," then go to the card and write the real version.

Sign it with something as neutral as "Yours."

There, that wasn't so difficult, was it?

Now, for the final touch. You must, absolutely must, use this final touch. And you must be correct in your choice.

If you're a man, scent the card with your cologne. Make sure, absolutely sure, it's the one she loved on you. If you're a woman, spritz the missive with the perfume he gave you. You get the idea. We're talking semi-subliminal attraction -- working the senses. When done this way, the card invokes three of the senses:

- touch (the physicality of the card; it's real and he or she will be touching what you've touched);
- sight (the evocative image on the cover, the sight of your handwriting);
- smell (a wonderful aroma associated with you and romantic moments).

What do you do if your handwriting is terrible? All the more reason for you to keep the letter brief. Whatever you do, write the letter by hand. Do not type it. That would eliminate a large part of the letter's potency.

One last tip: Don't spritz the card itself -- it could leave stains. Spritz the inside of the envelope. Lightly.

Address the letter by hand. Then affix a stamp. Make sure the stamp is remarkable, and even evocative in its own way. Please, do not have your secretary stamp the letter with a postage meter. Everything, again, everything about this card must be personal, and therefore intimate.

All that's left now is to drop the card in the mailbox.

Afterward, you'll feel better for having taken a healthy step toward both recovering and rekindling your relationship. You'll have done something you can be proud of.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but of making up the right way!