The Joy of Making Up the Right Way | The Magic of Making Up » Get Your Ex Back

“Can I Get My Girlfriend Back Ever?”

Ambrosia — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 17:45:27 +0000

"Can I get my girlfriend back ever?" If you're asking yourself that question, then ... it sounds like you're in a desperate situation. You see only a small sliver of hope. Now is the time to keep the faith. You must believe that your heart will not stay broken.

The truth is that one of you made a serious mistake. Who was it? Can the person who made the mistake that caused the break up be trusted again? No, answering that question won't tell you whether you can get your girlfriend back, but it will help you know whether you should.

Should you two get back together? Is it a good idea? If you are fully convinced that it is, then you might be able to. All you have to do is convince your ex girlfriend that you should. How should you do that?

Write down all the reasons you two should get back together. You don't need to compose a letter. Just make a list. Put down all the reasons why you want her back -- and why she should take you back, too.

You can even entitle it, "Can I get my girlfriend back? Should I even try?"

Write down everything that occurs to you. Even if it seems silly. Sometimes, it's the little things that make the difference, that tip the scale.

Once done, make a third list. List everything that works against you and your girlfriend getting back together. Write down each problem or source of disagreement. Write down the reasons you broke up, big and small, spoken and unspoken.

Then review all three lists.

Pretty soon, you'll see the answer to the question, "Can I get my girlfriend back?"

Look at this all critically and try to convince yourself that getting your girlfriend back is NOT a good idea. Argue against your heart. Yes, it's hard. But it will help you achieve distance. And it will help you develop your strategy for getting her back. It will help you understand her reasons for the breakup.

It will also help you accept that no matter what you say, or do, she might refuse to get back together with you. If she just does not want to get back together, accept it. You can't make her want you. You can't convince her that she should.

However, if a part of her does want to be with you, then with the help of the List Method, the answer to "Can I get my girlfriend back?" is "yes."

Whatever you do, remember this: Its not just a matter of making up, but ofmaking up the right way!

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Toxic Relationships (Part 2) – How to Leave Your Toxic Lover

Ambrosia — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 10:03:38 +0000

This site about how to get back with your ex. At least, that's what it looks like. What this site is really about is getting back with the one you love. In all cases, the one you love should be yourself. And in every case, the best way to get back with your ex, is by first reconnecting with yourself.

That being said, the reconnection with self sometimes requires that you break up with you partner. If you're caught up in a toxic relationship, for example, then you need to break up with that person. You need to find the strength to save yourself.

How do you leave a toxic relationship?

The first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, you must start to stand up for yourself. Easier said, than done. No doubt, your toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. You know in your mind that this is not true -- sort of. By now, you probably even hear your partner criticizing you from the inside out. His or her voice follows you everywhere, affects your confidence about everything your do. Your partner does not even have to be in physically present. He or she has injected you with so much mental poison that it affects you even when you are away from them.

But you can still free yourself from them. You can still be the person who says, "Enough. I'm breaking up with you." How?

Talk to the people who love you, especially friends you withdrew from earlier on.
Do one thing every day to reconnect with yourself, one thing that reminds you of who you were before you met this person
If you two are living together, then start planning alternate living arrangements
Consider joining a therapy group. For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

Suppose you have reached this point? What happens next? Stay tuned for Part 3 and we'll discuss the aftermath of leaving your toxic lover.

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How Do I Get My Husband to Love Me Again?

Ambrosia — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 20:35:05 +0000

"Dear Abby,

"How do I get my husband to love me again?"

Have you been thinking this to yourself and wondering where to turn for help? You're marriage has gone stale and you don't know exactly why, or even if you do know why, you don't know exactly what to do about it.

What usually happens unfortunately is that as time passes, the powerful love, respect and admiration that women feel from their husband is replaced by feelings of hurt, awkwardness and distance. Some women are sure that their husbands have fallen out of love with them. sometimes the husband actually spells it out. Or sometimes the husband denies this but the "something's-wrong-feelings" are still around. If you feel that your husband has fallen out of love with you, there are steps you can take to bring you back to where you once were in your relationship and/or to make your marriage even stronger.

Try to think back to when you and your husband first fell in love. Do you remember what you loved about him and what he loved about you? Of course we all change as we get older so some of our qualities have become stronger and some have disappeared. A really common example of this is when a career-woman becomes a stay-at-home mom.

Sometimes husbands miss the way their wives were before they became homemakers. So now you're thinking, "Well, I can't do anything about that!" To some extent that's true. You have a new and important role now in life that you shouldn't give up but you could try to add some variety in every once in a while by taking a night off to go out with friends or volunteer for a cause. This will remind your husband, and probably even yourself, that you are a multi faceted person with a lot to offer.

Here is something else that you need to consider if you're trying to get your husband to fall back in love with you. Remember what the bible says? "Do unto others as you would have done to you. . ."? How are you treating your husband? Of course how you act towards him may be altered if you feel that he doesn't love you anymore. But how have you been treating him in the last few years even before you noticed the change in him? It's easy and commonplace to start taking your husband for granted once you're married and even more so after the years go on. He probably does the same with you.

Maybe you've been dedicating yourself to the children for the most part and that means less one-on-one time with your man? Or maybe you're constantly nagging him about certain things you want done around the house which he neglects to do?

If you can switch your behavior around and start treating your husband the way you would like to be treated, he will eventually catch on and do the same. By letting your husband know that you appreciate and love him, you'll bring the two of you closer. And that is one answer to your question "How do I get my husband to love me again?"

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Toxic Relationships (Part 1) – Are You In One?

Ambrosia — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:05:53 +0000

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

Does your partner:

mock you, make fun of you or otherwise criticize you in front of others?
say she or he loves you, but act otherwise?
try to control you, by reading your mail or showing up at places just to check up on you?
try to make you dependent on him or her?

Have you:

changed things about yourself to please them?
distanced yourself from friends and/or family because your partner didn't like them?
stopped taking part in your favorite hobbies or sports because your partner criticized them?
started taking part in activities that you don't enjoy because your partner wants you to?

If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then read on!

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically poisoned?

The answer is simple: most people don't consciously realize they're being drawn into a toxic relationship until it's too late. A toxic relationship has a cycle. There s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation -- at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until theyve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.

Having said that, it seems that some people end up in toxic relationships more than others. These people are more likely to enter into and endure a toxic relationships because it's familiar to them -- they grew up in toxic homes. Now, adults, they replicate the patterns of their childhood. They don't even realize that they're doing it. And, they may not know any better. Having never seen a nurturing, healthy relationship, they have no idea how to find one or even create one.

Other people simply do not believe that they have a right to be happy. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people. They feel strong when taking care of the weak. They don't realize, however, that weak people can be manipulative in their own way.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, then you have to leave it. This is one case in which you must find the means and the strength to breakup. In Part 2, we'll discuss how to do it.

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Toxic Relationships (Part 3) – Repairing the Bonds in a Healthy Way

Ambrosia — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 06:55:44 +0000

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some people leave the toxic partner and form new, healthier bonds. Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

Many relationships are salvageable. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you're willing to walk away. If you are not willing to walk away -- really walk and keep on going -- then, you will never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say, "I need your support. I need your love," or "I need your truthful opinion."

If you don't get what you need, the other person should know that you're prepared to walk. You won't be able to convey that unless you really feel it. If your partner tells you that he or she doesn't like "ultimatums," just say you're stating the facts and you believe in giving fair warning. Do not argue. Stay calm and be prepared to hear harsh words. This person is invested in keeping you low. They may not respond as you would like. It doesn't matter. Stay calm. Stay resolute. In a sense, you're fighting for the both of you, because a toxic relationship is unhealthy for both of the two people involved.

A healthy relationship is a two-way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

If you must go, then go. Feel good, knowing that you have made a brave and difficult decision. Let your friends help you.

If your partner comes after you, and tries to lure you back, stay strong. Be clear about what you would like changed. And maybe he or she will surprise you. Maybe your partner will want change, too. Then stay apart, but work together, to rebuild your emotional home.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but making up the right way!

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After the Breakup: Do You Really Want Him Back?

Ambrosia — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:43:13 +0000

You can go through some rough times after a man breaks up with you. You're probably not feeling or acting like yourself right now. He's gone and so much of the sunshine seems to have gone with him. You want him back. You darn right you do.

It can be difficult, however, to get back with someone who left you. For whatever reason, your boyfriend decided that he did not want to try and work things out. He just wanted to end the relationship. Theoretically, it is easier to resolve matters when both people are still sitting at the table. However ...

That being said, you can get a guy back even if he broke up with you. You must be sure, however, that you want him back. And you must sure you want him back for the right reasons -- reasons that are healthy and cool.

Poor Reasons to Want Your Boyfriend Back:

- Make sure you're not reacting out of panic.

- Make sure you're not reacting out of fear.

- Make sure you don't want him back because suddenly you can't have him.

In other words, don't want him back just to have him back.

Good Reasons to Want Him Back:

- He's a good man and you just didn't realize it at the time.

- You broke up over a miscommunication that you could explain, if only he'd give you the chance.

- You broke up because somebody else meddled in your relationship, a person you have now dealt with.

- You broke up because you know that deep down, he still loves you.

- You broke up because you're prepared to make the changes, self-improvements it might take to not only repair the damage, but make sure it doesn't happen again.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but making up the right way!

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Get Guy Back: The Worst Mistake You Can Make

Ambrosia — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:25:18 +0000

The most critical aspect to get guy back is to realize that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people can make up and move on. Others just can't recapture the magic of the relationship they once shared. This is no reason to give up, however. Even if you don't succeed, you will know you did your best to get guy back.

If you want to get guy back, you must -- and there is no room for negotiation on this -- regain your calm. Easier said than done, I know. But guys avoid women who are weeping, or yelling, at them. Common sense, right? If you call him while you're upset, in tears or angry (or both), then you may do much more harm than good. If he had begun to miss you and think romantically about you, his emotions will do a reversal if you contact him and you're an emotional mess. He might just think that his decision to leave you was right.

Rather than fretting about what he's up to, or feeling sad that he's no longer calling, start living your own life. Make a list of things you've wanted to do for a while and never got around to doing. Then start doing them. Every time you cross something off your list, you will feel stronger and more self-confident.

In the meantime, you will be showing him that you can be mature about this breakup. You will be showing him that he made a big mistake in letting you go. They say the best revenge is living well. So fix yourself up. Change your hairstyle. Experiment. Get new pictures taken. Renew friendships with folks you have not seen in a while. Surround yourself with people who love you. Only watch movies that make you laugh.

Slowly, you will have fewer thoughts of him. Oh, your heart will ache when you do think of him, but those thoughts will occur less often.

The irony is that your chances of getting him back increase even as your interest in him decreases. You are gaining distance and that's a good thing. Maybe you have spoiled him with constant attention. Now, all of a sudden, you are leaving him alone. No calls, no email, no text messages. Nada. Nothing. You know what he is going to do? First, he will be in shock. Second, he will probably call you, or get in touch with you.

This is where things get tricky -- really tricky -- and this is where many women make their worst mistake. This is where they end up destroying all the hard work they've done to get him to call them back. Right when success if just a few steps away, they blow it.

You don't want that to happen to you. I don't want that to happen to you. So rather than give you a brief summary of what you should do, I'm going to recommend that you go get step-by-step instructions. I'm going to send you to the master magician himself, Mr. T 'Dub' Jackson. He is truly the master when it comes to the magic of making up.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but of making up the right way!

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How to Get Your Ex Back – Don’t Let the Wrong Kind of Passion Destroy Your Relationship

Ambrosia — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:20:55 +0000

ByT Dub Jackson

Passion was not the problem last night. It was the direction that passion was taking that seemed to be the burden. It's not your fault. It was a heated discussion that became a four-alarm fire before all was said and done.

Passion is great when it's pointed in the right direction. It can be as much of a bane as a blessing though when it is misdirected. Now that morning has come you are wondering how to get back your ex and undo the damage to your relationship that happened last night.

It may seem like a tall order to get your ex back at the moment. Many things were said in the blazing fires of last night that neither of you meant. The problem is that things that are said in the heat of the moment can't be unsaid the next day. It will take a little bit of time for both of you to get over what was said and done the night before.

That is why the first step is to allow the passion a cooling off period. Sarah had to go through this and she found it devastatingly difficult to leave Tom alone but knew that if this worked it would be a story they'd some day tell their grandchildren.

Give your ex a little space and time to cool off and forget the pain of last night. Then use this "cooling off" time to do a little soul searching.

It's great to have passion in a relationship. You need to make sure that passion is properly directed and controllable to avoid future situations like last night. Even the best of relationships will have some rough patches. Last night was all out warfare. Decide whether or not there were things you could have said that would have diffused the situation or allowed you both to avoid escalation.

In the end, one thing makes all the difference in the world. Accepting responsibility for the trouble in the relationship and not trying to push blame onto the other person. That is how to get your ex back the right way and avoid getting carried away by misdirected passion.

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“I Left Him. How Can I Get Him To Take Me Back?”

Ambrosia — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 13:07:18 +0000

After a long evening in the kitchen, I was just about to take my apple pie out of the oven when the telephone rang. With a muttered oath, I wondered, "Who the heck would be calling me now?" Whoever it was, I meant to give them a piece of my mind and get off the phone quick. But at the caller's first words, I knew I couldn't do that.

It was my friend Julie. Four months earlier, she'd left her husband, George. Now, she was weeping. "Oh, I made a terrible mistake. I want him back. I want him back so bad. But he won't listen. What am I going to do?"

If she was expecting a bandage of an answer, she was sorely mistaken. "Wait a sec," I said and put down the phone. I took my pie out and put it on the rack. Then I sat down with her for a good long talking to.

I was kind but I was blunt, just the way I'm going to be with you.

Folks who walk out and then change their minds face a very rocky uphill battle to get back into the marriage again. The rock bed of trust so necessary to a stable marriage has been cracked way down deep. No simple "I'm sorry" will do. The world of the person left behind was probably shattered and he or she has spent the last months trying to rebuild it. Now the person who caused all that pain is back.

It's crucial that you understand what your ex husband or ex wife is thinking. I can't tell you how important that is. If you've left your spouse and want back in, you'd better start putting yourself in his or her shoes. That is the only way you can convince them to trust you again.

You've got to approach getting your ex back with realistic hopes and have a plausible plan to make your marriage work.

Be prepared to not only apologize, but say why you want to come back. Be prepared to face cynicism, maybe bitterness. Realize that while it might have taken only a minute to walk out, it could take several months to get back in.

You don't want to go back and end up more miserable than you were to begin with. So make sure your reasons for going back are the right ones. Don't, for example, say you want you ex back because you're afraid to be alone or can't find a job to pay your rent.

And be prepared to talk about what caused you to leave in the first place. If those problems still exist, then they'll be waiting for you when you knock on the door. How will you handle them?

Julie sincerely loved her man and wanted back. So she listened patiently to my lecture. Then she said, "But what do I do now?" I told her. I gave her these concrete steps to take and now I'll give them to you.

The most important thing is to repair the trust. To do this, you must assume nothing and ease your way back into the relationship. In a nutshell, this is what I recommend:

1. Contact your ex husband or ex wife by phone. Ask how he or she is doing. Be attentive. Listen. Give little information about your own circumstances, other than to say that you're "doing fine." That's such a neutral term these days that it has little meaning. Keep the conversation brief, a maximum of 15 minutes. (If there are children involved, naturally discuss them. But the most important part is to listen.)

2. Wait a week and call again. Same thing. You're getting your partner used to these phone calls and sussing out how he or she feels about you. He or she might hang up the first time you call. That's okay. Wait a week and call again. If he or she still hangs up, then accept that your spouse doesn't want to hear from you right now. Be patient.

3. In the meantime, warm up relationships that you may have let cool with mutual friends. Let them see that you've changed, that you sincerely want to save your marriage, that you want to get your wife back or reunite with your husband.

4. Continue to call once a week. Eventually, your spouse will speak to you. Again, listen. Offer to do tasks for him/her. Demand nothing. Offer warmth. Be the trusted and dependable friend you once were.

5. Ease back into the releationship. Your first meeting should be someplace where you both enjoyed going. It should not end in bed. Do not seduce or attempt to seduce your ex. It will only backfire.

The point of these steps is to (a) rebuild trust, and (b) get your ex to want you back. In the end, it's your ex who has to make the decision -- and it's you who will have to respect it.

Why not just push your way back into ex's life? Because it could backfire. Not only do you increase your chances of being rejected immediately, but starkly lessen your chances of ever winning back your lost love. And why do you have to discuss the problems that broke you two up to begin with? Because, those discussions, no matter how painful they are, are your best chance to ensure that those same problems could break you up again.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up with your ex, but of making up the right way!

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Seven Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship

Ambrosia — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:32:12 +0000

Do you know these seven concrete ways to build trust in a relationship? Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.

(1) Be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to stir things up to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

(2) Make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn't hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

(3) Believe in your partner's competency. If you don't, you won't have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

(4) Don't keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

(5) Don't be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don' t make him or her guess what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

(6) Learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don't need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person's will actually builds trust in a relationship.

(7) Always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Don't be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.

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