The Joy of Making Up the Right Way | The Magic of Making Up » Breakups

Ending a Relationship – Breaking Up is Hard To Do

Ambrosia — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:23:32 +0000

Does your to-do list look something like this?

Walk dog
Water plants
Break up with significant other

Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybodys calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the expire by date just because breaking up is hard to do.

Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.

Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says its caput.

How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?

You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.

Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.

Don't put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things youve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.

Don't take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they don't really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.

Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.

But don't let them make you feel guilty. Youre ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean "the end, close the book?"

That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.

However, if you are determined to walk away, its best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.

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What Happened? My Boyfriend Dumped Me

Ambrosia — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 19:12:09 +0000

By Danny Walton

Are you going around with, "My boyfriend dumped me. What can I do?" running through your mind? Then you should at least remember that many others are feeling what you feel now. Time will heal all wounds and even if you don't reunite with him, you won't go around saying, "My boyfriend dumped me" forever. Let your emotions out and let them run their course. Then move on.

Are you wanting to reunite with your ex? There's nothing that will guarantee a reunion, but you can try some of the ideas in this article. They may help.

First, you must know that people break up all the time and for many different reasons. Are you sure you know precisely what broke the two of you up? Sometimes, what's on the surface is not the real reason underneath it all. To sort things out clearly, you'll need to stop thinking, "My boyfriend dumped me for because of ______" whatever the reason you think it might be.

While your boyfriend may have told you at the time why he was breaking up with you, after awhile, you might be able to speak with him again, and ask him what he really thought of your relationship. He might have a different story to tell.

He may say something that will be difficult for you to hear, however, so be warned. Decide now whether you really want to hear what he has to say about your relationship. If you don't think you can handle it, then you're not ready to work on a reunion.

Of course, if you are set on reuniting, then you're going to have to take the good with the bad. If you ask him and he tells you something difficult to hear, at least you will know what it is you need to work on. Do not argue with him. In fact, unless he asks, don't offer any opinions at all. This is how you'll learn to say, "My boyfriend dumped me for this reason..." and know for sure.

The second thing to ask him is if he thinks the two of you might be able to get back together in the future. Don't pressure him about getting together immediately, as that will only push him away. If he's given you a reason for the breakup that you can work on, then tell him you want some time to fix what was wrong. Asking about a future reunion won't seem so threatening to him.

This process is not an easy one. Going through the "My boyfriend dumped me, now what should I do?" phase is a hard and confusing time. If you are truthful with yourself, you'll know whether or not you can fix things. Keep good, clear and open communication with the ex, as much as you can. The worst that can happen is that your relationship was not meant to be. Prepare yourself for that possibility.

If worse comes to worst and a reunion is not possible, you will have at least learned some valuable things about yourself in the process. And knowing that you at least tried will go a long way towards helping you feel better about the whole thing after awhile. After all, if you never tried, you'd end up crying, "My boyfriend dumped me!" for a very long time, wallowing in unending pain. By at least trying, you'll know one way or the other and eventually, as mentioned earlier, time will heal your agony.

After a time, you may also be able to look back and realize that the breakup was probably for the best. Whatever it was that broke you up, you got an opportunity to learn from it and grow. Just remember, everything happens for a reason.

Also, by considering the fact that you're not the only one that has had the chance to say, "My boyfriend dumped me," you are now able to add, "but it's okay and I'm doing just fine."

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“Can I Get My Girlfriend Back Ever?”

Ambrosia — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 11:24:12 +0000

"Can I get my girlfriend back ever?" If you're asking yourself that question, then ... it sounds like you're in a desperate situation. You see only a small sliver of hope. Now is the time to keep the faith. You must believe that your heart will not stay broken.

The truth is that one of you made a serious mistake. Who was it? Can the person who made the mistake that caused the break up be trusted again? No, answering that question won't tell you whether you can get your girlfriend back, but it will help you know whether you should.

Should you two get back together? Is it a good idea? If you are fully convinced that it is, then you might be able to. All you have to do is convince your ex girlfriend that you should. How should you do that?

Write down all the reasons you two should get back together. You don't need to compose a letter. Just make a list. Put down all the reasons why you want her back -- and why she should take you back, too.

You can even entitle it, "Can I get my girlfriend back? Should I even try?"

Write down everything that occurs to you. Even if it seems silly. Sometimes, it's the little things that make the difference, that tip the scale.

Once done, make a third list. List everything that works against you and your girlfriend getting back together. Write down each problem or source of disagreement. Write down the reasons you broke up, big and small, spoken and unspoken.

Then review all three lists.

Pretty soon, you'll see the answer to the question, "Can I get my girlfriend back?"

Look at this all critically and try to convince yourself that getting your girlfriend back is NOT a good idea. Argue against your heart. Yes, it's hard. But it will help you achieve distance. And it will help you develop your strategy for getting her back. It will help you understand her reasons for the breakup.

It will also help you accept that no matter what you say, or do, she might refuse to get back together with you. If she just does not want to get back together, accept it. You can't make her want you. You can't convince her that she should.

However, if a part of her does want to be with you, then with the help of the List Method, the answer to "Can I get my girlfriend back?" is "yes."

Whatever you do, remember this: Its not just a matter of making up, but ofmaking up the right way!

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How (Not) to Win Love Back: The Evil Games People Play

Ambrosia — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 17:23:50 +0000

Too many people think they must aggressively pursue their ex in order to get him or her back. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. If you want to know how to win love back, follow the advice in this article as closely as possible.

The first thing you need to know in the how to win love back arena is that you do not want to chase your ex.

Too many guys think they must pursue their exes. They send hundreds of texts, call at odd hours of the day, and even stalk their ex girlfriend's home. They send flowers and gifts.

This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Why?

Well, you'll hear a lot of people tell you that it makes you look "desperate." Could be. But that's not the main problem. The main problem is that it makes cling, and when you cling to someone who wants to get away, it just makes that person want to get away harder. So when you're "try everything and now" mode of trying to win love back, you end up driving it away.

Guys think -- and are so worried about -- losing a woman's respect, that she'll play "games" with him if he shows "desperation." If your girlfriend wanted to get away from you, for whatever reason, then the last thing she wants to do is play games. She wants her "space." She wants time out. And the best -- most common sensical things you can do for her is give it to her.

There are those who would recommend that you play "games" with her head, too. They would say that they best way to win back her love would be to pretend absolute lack of interest.

They would suggest that when you are in a group that includes her, flirt with every girl but her. If she has an enemy in the group, pay special attention to that girl. By ignoring your ex, you make her want to come back to you. You are reminding her of all of your charms, but not applying them to her. That's what some folks would say.

I understand the method or reason behind the madness, but I still think such a technique could sadly backfire. First, if you two get caught up in games, then when does the honesty enter? Second, if she's the type who only wants you when you appear not to want her, then she doesn't really want you at all. Third, if you play up to another girl who sincerely thinks you're interested in her, then you're using someone, playing with her emotions just to manipulate your ex.

Not a good idea.

I've heard it said that it's a good idea to go out on a date with one of her close friends. To send your ex a text message saying, "now that we're just friends, I wanted your opinion on something. Where should I take Mary to dinner after the big game?" That is sure to make your ex girlfriend jealous. It's also sure to cause trouble between her and Mary, while setting Mary up for a disappointment. Some would say it's a great trick for winning her love back. I say it's just a good way to spread the misery and practically ensure that she'll never come back to you.

These are just some of the evil games people play when trying to figure out how to win love back. Don't you play them. They'll only backfire.

And, that is my advice for how (not) to win love back.

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Toxic Relationships (Part 3) – Repairing the Bonds in a Healthy Way

Ambrosia — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:49:16 +0000

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some people leave the toxic partner and form new, healthier bonds. Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

Many relationships are salvageable. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you're willing to walk away. If you are not willing to walk away -- really walk and keep on going -- then, you will never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say, "I need your support. I need your love," or "I need your truthful opinion."

If you don't get what you need, the other person should know that you're prepared to walk. You won't be able to convey that unless you really feel it. If your partner tells you that he or she doesn't like "ultimatums," just say you're stating the facts and you believe in giving fair warning. Do not argue. Stay calm and be prepared to hear harsh words. This person is invested in keeping you low. They may not respond as you would like. It doesn't matter. Stay calm. Stay resolute. In a sense, you're fighting for the both of you, because a toxic relationship is unhealthy for both of the two people involved.

A healthy relationship is a two-way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

If you must go, then go. Feel good, knowing that you have made a brave and difficult decision. Let your friends help you.

If your partner comes after you, and tries to lure you back, stay strong. Be clear about what you would like changed. And maybe he or she will surprise you. Maybe your partner will want change, too. Then stay apart, but work together, to rebuild your emotional home.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but making up the right way!

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Get an Ex Girlfriend Back With a Successful Battle Plan

Ambrosia — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 14:15:24 +0000

John wanted to get his ex girlfriend back. A veteran of the war in Iraq, he decided that the best strategy would be to make a "battle plan" to get an ex girlfriend back.

John's ex, Macy, broke up with him because she had met someone else, a poet. John knew that while Macy had an artistic streak, she wouldn't ultimately be happy with someone whose idea of a good time was rhyming couplets. In short, the poet wasn't the kind of man John was.

So, John set out a battle plan to get an ex girlfriend back. There were three prongs to his approach.

First, he smoothed out his own rough edges. He let his crew cut grow out and got a short stylish haircut. He started reading the books Macy had mentioned. He figured that to get an ex girlfriend back, he had to be the kind of boyfriend she wanted.

Next, he showed her that he was a virile man that other women wanted. He called up Sarah, a friend of Macy's, and asked her if she wanted to go to dinner as a casual date. When she said yes, John texted Macy and asked where Sarah might like to go on a date.

Macy immediately called John and wanted to know why he was taking Sarah out. John told her that they were broken up and he was moving on. He had always thought Sarah was an interesting person and thought it might be a good time to get to know her. If Macy had any objections, maybe she should reconsider the break up.

Macy slammed down the phone, which John expected. But he had planted the idea with Macy that he was a desirable guy. This was all part of his get an ex girlfriend back strategy.

His third prong of attack was to use the date with Sarah to get information back to Macy. John was the perfect gentleman on his date with Sarah. He brought her a single rose when he picked her up. He took her to a nice restaurant. And, on the date, he talked about the fabulous books he had been reading lately.

Then, when he dropped her off, he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek but didn't go any further. The next day, he sent her a lovely bouquet and said, "I had a really good time. I hope you did too."

Sarah, of course, was on the phone with Macy immediately. She wanted to know why Macy had broken off a relationship with such a great guy.

Meanwhile, the luster had gone off the relationship with the poet, and Macy was missing John a lot.

Macy called John a couple of days after his date with Sarah and wanted to know if the two of them could try starting up their relationship again.

That, my friends, is how to get an ex girlfriend back.

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Toxic Relationships (Part 2) – How to Leave Your Toxic Lover

Ambrosia — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 11:16:41 +0000

This site about how to get back with your ex. At least, that's what it looks like. What this site is really about is getting back with the one you love. In all cases, the one you love should be yourself. And in every case, the best way to get back with your ex, is by first reconnecting with yourself.

That being said, the reconnection with self sometimes requires that you break up with you partner. If you're caught up in a toxic relationship, for example, then you need to break up with that person. You need to find the strength to save yourself.

How do you leave a toxic relationship?

The first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, you must start to stand up for yourself. Easier said, than done. No doubt, your toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. You know in your mind that this is not true -- sort of. By now, you probably even hear your partner criticizing you from the inside out. His or her voice follows you everywhere, affects your confidence about everything your do. Your partner does not even have to be in physically present. He or she has injected you with so much mental poison that it affects you even when you are away from them.

But you can still free yourself from them. You can still be the person who says, "Enough. I'm breaking up with you." How?

Talk to the people who love you, especially friends you withdrew from earlier on.
Do one thing every day to reconnect with yourself, one thing that reminds you of who you were before you met this person
If you two are living together, then start planning alternate living arrangements
Consider joining a therapy group. For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

Suppose you have reached this point? What happens next? Stay tuned for Part 3 and we'll discuss the aftermath of leaving your toxic lover.

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How to Get Your Ex Back in 4 Simple Steps

Ambrosia — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:14:21 +0000

Almost everyone in their life has had to go through a breakup. A breakup is a strange thing. Most things in life, the more you do them, the easier it becomes to do. With breakups no matter how many you've had to go through in the past, they certainly don't become easier to go through.

After a breakup, unless the relationship was completely terrible, most people desire to get their ex back. In fact, sometimes, even if the relationship was unhealthy, they still desire to get their ex back. You really shouldn't try to get back with your ex if they ever used physical violence or words to hurt you. That is not a healthy relationship. If you were in a relationship like that and your ex broke up with you, then consider yourself lucky.

Otherwise, most relationships follow a pretty predictable pattern. When you first meet someone everything is wonderful and new. They can do no wrong and you can do no wrong in their eyes. After a short while comfort sets in. You adjust to each other. When the newness is gone and the comfort is there things in the relationship change. The little quirks you were willing to overlook before actually bother you now.

There is an expression: "Familiarity breeds contempt." Truer words couldn't be spoken for relationships. After a couple get comfortable and familiar with each other, trouble usually starts. This is exactly what tests the strength of the relationship. It takes work and effort to maintain a relationship. Sometimes, when things break, instead of getting repaired, the other person wants out of the relationship completely

Do you believe, despite it being over, your relationship is worth salvaging, even if the other person made it clear, it's over? You need some answers on how get your ex back. Here are four steps you can take.

1. Say you're sorry

Saying you are sorry is one of the best how get your ex back methods. Even if it doesn't get your ex back, it's usually the best first step. Be sure that you say sorry for the right reasons. After a breakup it can be easy to blame yourself for everything. Remember, it takes two people to have a successful relationship. Knowing what exactly to apologize for is critical.

Whatever you do, when you apologize, don't let your ex bait you into an argument. The biggest irony of saying sorry to an ex is that it can easily lead to another fight. If you say you're sorry, and your ex brings something else up, don't get defensive. Stay calm, keep your emotions, your ego, and your pride in check.

2. Sit down and talk things out

If your ex is up to it, set a time where both of you can sit down and talk. Whatever you don't beg, plead, cry, or force your ex into this. If they don't want to, then just go to the next step. If they do agree, you're going to have to keep your emotions in check. This isn't the time to get into a fight again. Make it clear to your ex that you have no desire to bring blame into the discussion.

You want to talk about the issues objectively. If you talk strictly about the issues without assigning blame, you'll get better results. It is best if you can get a therapist or an expert in the field of relationships involved with this, if at all possible.

3. Give some space

This may seem counter-intuitive to how get your ex back. You have to remember just because you want to talk to them or see them, doesn't mean they do. It is crucial to allow the partner some space. A brief time away from each other, before you try to win them back, will give you both time to cool down and a chance for them to miss you. If you're in touch with them all the time, they won't be able to miss you.

4. Show them you care about yourself

Prove to them that you care about yourself. If you seem desperate, clingy, and whiny, you will not succeed. If you sit around the house waiting for them to call or keep checking your email every few minutes hoping to get their message, you're not doing yourself any favors. Hang out with friends. Go to movies, go to concerts, go to the mall. Whatever, just get up and get out and live your life.

It's best if you're not there when your ex calls. Then they'll be wondering what you're doing. If you're out and your cell rings and its your ex, don't answer it. Let the call go to voice mail. The best thing to do is wait until the next day to call them back. Tell them you were busy, and you didn't have time to call them back. This will probably shock them. You may even be able to get them to pursue you again.

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Toxic Relationships (Part 1) – Are You In One?

Ambrosia — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:42:58 +0000

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

Does your partner:

mock you, make fun of you or otherwise criticize you in front of others?
say she or he loves you, but act otherwise?
try to control you, by reading your mail or showing up at places just to check up on you?
try to make you dependent on him or her?

Have you:

changed things about yourself to please them?
distanced yourself from friends and/or family because your partner didn't like them?
stopped taking part in your favorite hobbies or sports because your partner criticized them?
started taking part in activities that you don't enjoy because your partner wants you to?

If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then read on!

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically poisoned?

The answer is simple: most people don't consciously realize they're being drawn into a toxic relationship until it's too late. A toxic relationship has a cycle. There s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation -- at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until theyve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.

Having said that, it seems that some people end up in toxic relationships more than others. These people are more likely to enter into and endure a toxic relationships because it's familiar to them -- they grew up in toxic homes. Now, adults, they replicate the patterns of their childhood. They don't even realize that they're doing it. And, they may not know any better. Having never seen a nurturing, healthy relationship, they have no idea how to find one or even create one.

Other people simply do not believe that they have a right to be happy. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people. They feel strong when taking care of the weak. They don't realize, however, that weak people can be manipulative in their own way.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, then you have to leave it. This is one case in which you must find the means and the strength to breakup. In Part 2, we'll discuss how to do it.

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Get Guy Back: The Worst Mistake You Can Make

Ambrosia — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 05:47:28 +0000

The most critical aspect to get guy back is to realize that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people can make up and move on. Others just can't recapture the magic of the relationship they once shared. This is no reason to give up, however. Even if you don't succeed, you will know you did your best to get guy back.

If you want to get guy back, you must -- and there is no room for negotiation on this -- regain your calm. Easier said than done, I know. But guys avoid women who are weeping, or yelling, at them. Common sense, right? If you call him while you're upset, in tears or angry (or both), then you may do much more harm than good. If he had begun to miss you and think romantically about you, his emotions will do a reversal if you contact him and you're an emotional mess. He might just think that his decision to leave you was right.

Rather than fretting about what he's up to, or feeling sad that he's no longer calling, start living your own life. Make a list of things you've wanted to do for a while and never got around to doing. Then start doing them. Every time you cross something off your list, you will feel stronger and more self-confident.

In the meantime, you will be showing him that you can be mature about this breakup. You will be showing him that he made a big mistake in letting you go. They say the best revenge is living well. So fix yourself up. Change your hairstyle. Experiment. Get new pictures taken. Renew friendships with folks you have not seen in a while. Surround yourself with people who love you. Only watch movies that make you laugh.

Slowly, you will have fewer thoughts of him. Oh, your heart will ache when you do think of him, but those thoughts will occur less often.

The irony is that your chances of getting him back increase even as your interest in him decreases. You are gaining distance and that's a good thing. Maybe you have spoiled him with constant attention. Now, all of a sudden, you are leaving him alone. No calls, no email, no text messages. Nada. Nothing. You know what he is going to do? First, he will be in shock. Second, he will probably call you, or get in touch with you.

This is where things get tricky -- really tricky -- and this is where many women make their worst mistake. This is where they end up destroying all the hard work they've done to get him to call them back. Right when success if just a few steps away, they blow it.

You don't want that to happen to you. I don't want that to happen to you. So rather than give you a brief summary of what you should do, I'm going to recommend that you go get step-by-step instructions. I'm going to send you to the master magician himself, Mr. T 'Dub' Jackson. He is truly the master when it comes to the magic of making up.

Remember: It's not just a matter of making up, but of making up the right way!

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