A marriage is a very important and sacred pact between two people. We are raised to believe that once those vows are taken we can trust our spouse for the rest of our lives. However this does not always go as we might hope.

Since none of us are able to read minds we can never truly know someone. On top of that people change over time, so the person you fell in love with may be someone entirely different today.

Even if you both love each other, times change and you might grow bored with the same old routine. This is the reason for most affairs, one spouse simply grows tired of the dull routine and wants to try something different.

While it is far from acceptable it is understandable and understanding is the first step to healing your marriage. While a lot of people would end their marriage after this act of betrayal, people often still love each other and might want to salvage their relationship even after this mistake.

But how can you trust them ever again after they back stabbed you like this? You swore to be faithful and they went off with someone else. Well there are certain things you can do to help mend the wound.

First of all, do not accept excuses. Just because you are willing to forgive and move forward does not mean you should just forget it and let them off the hook. They screwed up, big time, and they need to own up to their mistake for your relationship to work. If they want your relationship to work then they will do this, otherwise they may not be as serious as you are.

Another part of not accepting some half hearted apology is to remember the old saying "actions speak louder then words". If your spouse is truly sorry and wants to make amends, they will cut off all contact with the person they cheated with.

If they refuse to do this, or continue to see the person, then they probably are not as sorry as they led you to believe and you might want to simply cut your losses and move on with your life.

Also, do not belittle yourself. A lot of people blame themselves for their spouses affair, thinking they must have done something wrong to drive their partner to such lengths. Do not do this, it was their mistake not yours. If they had a problem they should have talked with you about it instead of running off into someone else's bed.

Lastly, whether you forgive them or move on, always hold your head high. You are not at fault for this and you deserve better. Whether you get that from your spouse or someone down the line is up to you. There is no law saying you have to stay with them if they refuse to change. Be understanding and cooperative, but never be a doormat.

As long as you try your best to make things work, and as long as your spouse realizes their mistake and tries as well, things will often work out in the end.

Saving a marriage after adultery can be a very hard and time consuming process. You spent all that time together, loving each other and pledging to be faithful to each other only to have that trust get betrayed. Most marriages end after an affair because it is just so hard to ever trust that person again.

Despite having an affair, some couples still very much love each other. Affairs are nothing more then a symptom of a deeper underlying problem. The first thing you need to do is find out what that problem is, what is causing you to stray from your marriage.

The thing is that as we get older we change and we may acquire different tastes or grow tired of the old. This is where affairs usually take place, once the marriage has settled into a routine and the offending party simply grew bored of it all.

It is understandable, if not acceptable, why the offending party would cheat under those circumstances. As cruel as it may sound, we all grow bored if we do the same thing over and over again. This applies to marriage just the same as it applies to everything else.

The first thing you need to do after adultery, if you wish to save your marriage, is to forgive the offending partner. This likely will not happen over night and it will be very hard. They betrayed your trust and it will take a lot of time and effort on their part to earn it back.

But once you have forgiven them, you can move on to fixing the underlying problems that led to the affair. This is a crucial step. If you do not fix the problem them history will likely just repeat itself. So it is vitally important that you find out why they cheated, really get down to the root of the problem.

Once you have discovered what exactly it was that drove them to cheat, you can work on fixing it. In most cases an affair happens because one of the people involved has grown tired of the routine sexual activities. If this was the case then you might want to sit down with your partner and discuss ways to spice up your love life.

If you can just make changes to the areas the offending party has grown tired of, it can go a long way to prevent them from every straying again. So if it was them growing bored of your love life, then make sure you fix that and talk with them about it.

If it was not something related to your love life, then it may be trickier to fix. Even if this is the case the fundamental points still hold true. Talk with them and find out specifically what they thought the problem was, and why they cheated. From there you just have to make steps towards changing those aspects.

No matter what the case may be, life after adultery can be hard and emotionally taxing. What you need to remember is that you should always do what is best for you. If you feel you can forgive them and continue loving them despite their betrayal, then go for it. However if you do not feel you can forgive them, do not feel guilty or ashamed, they betrayed you so it is your right to walk away.

Nobody likes to receive a "Dear John" letter, phone call and thanks to technology; a "Dear John" text message (is that cruel or what?). The good news is that you can avoid getting break up letters and messages.

Quite simply you need to work hard at your relationship and treat your partner with love and respect. Always make time for them no matter how busy your life becomes.

We all get carried away sometimes. We can spend too much time at the office or with our children or sorting out our friends problems. Meanwhile our significant other can feel neglected and this can lead them to breaking up with us.

Can you avoid this happening? Sure and it is often very easy. Becoming aware that you may be guilty of not putting your lover first will help. You can start showing them how you feel about them. Spend some quality time together and tell them how much they mean to you. Simple gestures work wonders and you don't even need to spend cash. Take the kids out for the day and let her have some time to herself. Or take him breakfast in bed. Think about things they love to do and surprise them.

Make sure you find time to compliment your other half so that they know how you feel. Often communication between the sexes can become strained and rather difficult. In fact some people say that it is like trying to have a conversation between two alien species. You need to make an effort as otherwise you could find yourself dumped in favour of someone who will.

The keys to a successful relationship are love, mutual respect and showing consideration. No partnership will survive without all three being present. The love bit is relatively easy! Showing mutual respect should be quite simple but we often put our partners down without realising we are doing it. We may watch TV when they are talking to us or we could have a laugh with our friends at their expense. We may even forget important events such as their birthday or some anniversary.

Showing consideration to others means we have to be a little less selfish. It can be difficult when you have kids or a demanding career or both to find time for yourself never mind someone else. Being a couple means finding extra time even if that necessitates setting the alarm clock for thirty minutes earlier.

Dont confuse having a successful partnership with being a doormat. All couples argue and it is completely unnatural to expect otherwise. But it is how they argue that is important. When you do have an argument, you still need to treat your partner respectfully. Dont use bad language or physical violence. Try to remain calm and listen to the other persons side. Never bring up past events or disagreements. Focus on the issue that is causing the problem today and work on resolving it. And then go and enjoy making up.

Follow these tips and you should avoid the dreaded break up letters and messages.

If you know the warning signs of a break up you will be better able to avoid splitting from your lover. All relationships are different but there are usually similar symptoms of trouble to look out for:

1) Your partner is ignoring you.

Now I dont mean that they are not talking to you. Ignoring someone, is where you lose interest in that person and never ask them how they are, what they are feeling or even where they were? If you are like two ships that pass in the night, your love life may need a little work.

Stop to think why they could be ignoring you? Have you forgotten their birthday or some other special event? Have you been less than loving lately? Are they feeling neglected? People usually react over something they feel has happened. This could just be their perception but as they are your lover and you should be trying to keep them happy, you need to understand their point of view.

So why not surprise them with a nice meal and sit them down and ask them what is going on? Why are they grumpy, although I would probably phrase that question a little better! It could be that they are preoccupied with a problem totally outside your relationship. Communication between couples is not always what it should be; so try talking. Who knows where it may lead?

2) Your partner doesnt want to see you or go out with you.

If your lover suddenly becomes unavailable and too busy to see you, the red warning light should go on. There is a reason why they are avoiding you and you need to find out what that is. Dont be a doormat or perhaps I should say bedmat. There is no excuse, for not facing your boyfriend or girlfriend, to find out why they think it is acceptable to behave like this. Whatever you do, do not ignore these signals or you could find yourself in receipt of a break up letter.

3) Your partner is distant in the bedroom

While sex is only a three letter word, it can cause huge problems. Just ask any couple who has been together a long time. Sometimes your family or lifes issues can get in the way of your lovemaking. It is also a well known fact, that the initial burst of animal attraction usually doesnt last, so not making love every night is quite normal. What is not normal is not being intimate for months on end. Couples are held together by shared emotions and feelings. So dont underestimate the power of a cuddle.

You should know when your partner is happy and when he or she isnt. Sometimes their mood will have nothing to do with your actions; but often it is an indication of trouble brewing. Pay attention and look out for the above warnings signs of a break up. Otherwise you could find yourself newly single and wondering what happened!

Relations require a lot of work and can be wonderful things. But sometimes we can argue and have fights. When this happens both parties get mad at each other and there is obvious friction.

When this happens you probably want to apologize to your boyfriend. Whether you were to blame or not sometimes it is good to just say sorry and move on.

If this is the case you may asking yourself how you go about apologizing to him. Well there are a number of things you can do to Say sorry to your boyfriend and to make it seem sincere.

If you do not apologize after doing something wrong it could severely damage your relationship. Even if you do not break up it can put a very big fissure between the two of you and cause a lot of tension which will just build up until the next fight.

Saying sorry to your boyfriend can be hard, especially if he was at fault. But even so there are things you can do to help make it easier and increase the chances of him accepting your apology.

1: Make sure to give him some space. Sometimes people just need to be left alone to be mad. If you try to act too soon it could just spark another fight and undo all your efforts. So giving him some time to cool off can greatly increase your chances of success.

2: Let him vent. This is another important thing you have to do. Even if you give him some space and try to talk, he might start yelling again because he is mad. It is human nature to get defensive and retaliate when threatened. Resist this urge as best you can. Let him yell and get it all off his chest, listen to what he has to say. He will calm down and be more willing to talk it over with you.

3: Be sincere. People can pick up on subtle traits and body language which can give you away if you are lying. If you are sorry then say sorry, otherwise it might do more harm then good. Apologies only mean something if you actually mean it.

4: If all else fails, come up with a more long term plan. If nothing you do seems to make a difference, and you are serious about saving your relationship, then you may have to take the high road and work at it. Do not become pushy or needy in any way, shape or form. It is human nature to withdraw or retaliate when pushed so if you try to pressure him about saving the relationship or about how you will change, it will only put him off.

As well avoid any and all arguments. Even if it means being a little yes man and agreeing to everything he says. He needs time to come around and you have to walk on egg shells during this period.

But do not confuse that with becoming a doormat. If he takes advantage of your behavior and tries to milk it for all it is worth, then you might not be able to salvage your relationship. There is walking on egg shells and then there is allowing him to take advantage. You have to draw the line and if he takes too long, you may want to just walk away.

Relationships are about trust and communication, but over time that can erode away. You may start out loving one another but those feelings can fade over time. You get bored with each other and want to experience new things. This is why most affairs occur.

There are ways you can find out if you have a Cheating boyfriend. They are not exact or set in stone, but they can be fairly decent guidelines to help you determine whether or not your man is going to someone else for his needs.

1: If he comes home late this could be a sign he is cheating. Now obviously it is not if he comes home late once in a while. There are a lot of reasons he may be late, from working late to having to deal with traffic. This only becomes an issue if he does it consistently.

Another thing you can look for is what he does when he gets home. If he goes straight to the shower, this can be a tell tale sign he is having an affair. If he is cheating on you he will want to hide the evidence, which is why he goes straight to the shower. He will probably avoid you at all costs as he heads for the shower.

2: If your romantic life has dwindled out, this can be another sign. It is not concrete evidence that he is cheating, as there can be other reasons why your love life is suffering. If this is the only sign you recognize you may want to simply talk with him about it as there is probably another reason why this is happening.

3: If he makes excuses for not spending time with you or generally just avoids you. If he is having an affair he will want to spend time with that person over you. So if he always comes up with an excuse when you try to do something with him, this can be a pretty big red flag.

Something you should keep in mind if you suspect you have a Cheating boyfriend is to play dumb. You can not prove anything if he is trying to hide it, so to catch him you need to be smarter then he is. If you pretend to be clueless and not suspicious at all, he will lower his guard.

You can lull him into a false sense of security by doing this, he will think he is some sly devil who is getting off scott free but in reality he is falling right into your trap. Eventually he will make a mistake, leaving a certain text message on his phone or allowing you to answer a call from his mistress.

Once you get the evidence you need you can confront him on it and take the course of action you deem appropriate. Whether you dump him or give him another chance is up to you. Just keep in mind that not all men cheat, and you would not want to wrongly accuse your boyfriend of being a cheater. So make sure you get solid evidence before making a move, otherwise it might be you who ruins your relationship.

Boyfriend girlfriend quizzes can be a fun way to find out what kind of girlfriend or boyfriend you would make. They are just simple quizzes that will take your answers and calculate just what kind of girlfriend/boyfriend you would be.

I am sure you all have taken one of those quizzes, you know the ones. The ones where it asks you what character you are from a movie or something. Well these quizzes are basically that, you answer as best you can and it tells you what it thinks you will be.

Now obviously these are not some fool proof method to help you find your soul mate. They are just fun things to do in your spare time. That aside, they can be fairly helpful at helping you realize just what kind of person you are and what kind of boyfriend/girlfriend you would make.

Some of the more detailed quizzes out there can really go in depth about your personality. You can be taking them and really think long and hard about who you are and what you could contribute to a relationship.

If you are already in a relationship they can prove to be a fun activity you can do with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The two of you can take a quiz and find out if you are true soul mates, or laugh as it says you should be at each other's throats.

Since there are so many of those types of boyfriend girlfriend quizzes out there on the internet, you can go around trying different ones to see if you can get different answers. You could see if it is a universal truth where all the quizzes say the same thing, or if they all say completely different things.

You can also send those quizzes that you thought were really great to your friends. It is always fun seeing what those sort of things say about the people you know and you can make it a little game amongst your circle of friends.

There are dozens of types of quizzes as well. You can take a quiz to determine just what kind of boyfriend or girlfriend you could be. Or you could take a quiz to determine what kind of boyfriend or girlfriend is the perfect match for you.

There are also quizzes designed to be taken together. So you can get with your boyfriend or girlfriend and take the quiz and see just how compatible you really are. These types of quizzes tend to be fairly long and in depth so if you feel like doing one make sure to set aside enough time to complete it.

No matter what kind of quiz you are looking for, you can probably find it somewhere on the internet. And although these quizzes are far from scientific fact, they can prove to be not only fun, but fairly enlightening as well. They can show you facets of yourself that you may not have realized before, or give you insight into what kind of partner you would be good with.

Men leave relationships or find themselves willing to commit for several reasons. Their partners are often left feeling bewildered and betrayed. "Why did he leave me?" is often the first question asked. Unfortunately, it's a question that many men themselves cannot answer.

Part 1

First, let's define the word "leave." For most, it means that a man has physically left the relationship. He makes it clear that he does not want to see you again, at least for a significant period of time. But in many cases, "leave" means that he's physically present but emotionally unavailable. Both forms of absence are very painful for the one in love and left behind.

Some men are haunted by the ghost of relationships past. That old love just suddenly seems like the One That Got Away. No one will ever be so perfect -- they think. Why would someone willing choose to idealize a past love than treasure a present one? Well, it can feel easier and safer to cling to the past than risk failure in the present. These men are not really available. They make love you, but they'll have a hard time committing to you because you're just not quite perfect. There's someone else out there that they have to stay free for, some who is perfect. If you press these men to make a commitment, they'll calmly tell you that they've gone as far as they can with you, but don't really see themselves as staying with you forever. So if your love was one of these guys, then the reason he left you is because you asked him to make a choice -- between you and his fantasy. Guess which one won?

Some men, however, don't cling to an prettified image of an old love -- they cling to the horror of an old one. Richard M., an otherwise rational and very successful entrepreneur, refuses to marry his girlfriend of eleven years, he says, because of memories of his horrific divorce. He's physically present but emotionally unavailable. Oddly enough, these men can sometimes be made to see danger of their obsession with the past.

Other men leave seeking excitement and challenge. Being with someone who loves them becomes boring and flat. After years of dating beautiful women who adored him but for whom he felt little, Frederick, a handsome, articulate architect, in his late thirties, finally fell in love. It was a tumultuous situation, however.

"I was in love with Fern for three years," he said. "But I left her three times and each time she came back, wanting me again. No other woman had done that before. Fern was very neurotic. I guess thats what attracted me."

Some men find the lack of stability in a woman to be challenging, exciting and erotic. The unpredictability creates a situation where there is a constant sense of danger and threat of loss. This keeps these men constantly on the alert, so things never become routine. Excitement is confused with passion. There is a sense that, because of the turmoil, they are finally alive. After awhile it usually becomes too much.

"I finally left Fern and never went back," Frederick said. "It became too exhausting in the long run."

When men are attracted to neurotic women, it is interesting to note that these men are often attracting a partner who is expressing what he is also going through inside. She may be acting out what he is feeling and not able to express. When he finally becomes angry with the woman, he is really angry with himself. What we cannot accept in another is always something we haven't been able to accept in ourselves.

Other stresses also cause men to leave relationships. When a man is unhappy at his job, or when he feels pressured to commit, before he is ready, old dreams that havent been fulfilled will come up to haunt him. He then will begin to feel that this is the time to live out these dreams. These men often feel justified in abruptly leave unsatisfying relationships in search of their fantasies and dreams.

When Renee, handsome, strong, the successful owner of a well know beauty salon left for a new woman he said, "No one leaves if they're happy. After awhile you just begin to feel time is running out and you get tired of the bad stuff. You feel you don't need it anymore. You paid your dues. You're tired."

When asked why he felt the attraction to a different woman, he said, "Part of it is just plain beauty. But also she was much younger. I like that. A young woman looks up to a guy because he's older and can do all these things for her, and he adores her because she's young, pretty and makes him look good and feel good and proud."

Implicit in this is a deep need men have to be looked up to, valued, respected and recognized, not only by his peers, but by the woman he's with. Especially at a time in life when a man's sense of himself is wavering, it is extremely uplifting to have a woman who looks up to him and what he has achieved. Unfortunately, at this point, some wives of long standing can only see their mans deficits. If they then remind him of his failings constantly, it's often more than his ego can bear.

Though there are many more factors contributing to men leaving relationships, a common theme appears through all of them. The men are not necessarily responding to the woman they are leaving, but to their own inner needs, conflicts and dreams. Often they experience the woman in their lives simply as a part of their own sense of self. It is not the woman herself who necessarily causes the man to leave, but the man's feelings about himself, his own inner fantasy and quest.

There are all kinds of people in this world, and that's what makes life interesting. The down side is that you sometimes run into to people who are somewhat off balance. If your boyfriend fits that description, then there's a good chance that your girlfriends are telling you to cheat on him, to play the field. But a good rule of thumb is to never cheat on your crazy boyfriend.

Let's be honest, cheating and being a "player" is more acceptable in today's society, but that doesn't make it right. Some people will argue that it's okay to cheat on your boyfriend if he's emotionally unstable. The way those people justify it is by saying that he somehow deserves to be cheated on because of his behavior. Wrong!

The problem with the idea of justified cheating is that it tries to fix a wrong by doing wrong. The saying "two wrongs don't make a right" applies here. When you started going out with him, you made a promise to not be unfaithful. Perhaps you never talked about it, but that promise is always assumed in this kind of a relationship. Keeping your word and remaining true are important character traits.

Now, it may be true that your boyfriend is indeed crazy (however you define that term), or isn't a nice guy, but as long as the two if you are going out, it's up to you to be faithful. Your girlfriends probably just want you to see somebody else, which is why they are encouraging you to cheat on him. Here's what they don't realize: cheating on him will only lead to bad things.

Let's look at the two possibilities and what the likely result is:

1. He will find out. Chances are quite high that he will find out about you cheating on him. How will he react? What are the real odds that he will just shrug it off and be on his merry way? If you already think he's "crazy" then cheating on him isn't going to help the situation in any way.

2. He won't find out. Even if he never finds out, you will always know that you cheated on him. It may feel good or exciting at the time, but then guilt and low self-esteem will set in.

So, what can you do if you don't want to be with him anymore? The main thing is to not let him scare you into staying with him. That is a form of abuse, and you should get away from him as soon as possible. If he's not forcing you to stay, but you want to go your separate ways, then you will have to break up with him. In fact, you can do just about anything you want to, as long as you never cheat on your crazy boyfriend.

Relationships can be fickle things, that is why we try so hard to keep them intact. Since we can not read peoples minds or understand their true feelings, we are left struggling to get along as best we can. That is simply the nature of being human.

But because of those limitations we have to pay extra attention to how we interact. When you get into a relationship with someone it requires time and dedication. You have to put in the effort to get to know them and understand them.

However, what happens when you are not as interested in that person as you originally thought? What if they simply do not fulfill all your needs? By that point you may already be in a long standing relationship with that person.

Although they may not meet all your expectations, you probably still love them and do not want to hurt them. This is where many affair relationships happen. You are left wanting more but you still want your partner, so you wander off the path and go find someone else in an attempt to satisfy your urges.

You probably do not mean to harm your partner, you just wanted something more. Unfortunately that does not matter. Whether you intended to or not, you did indeed cause your partner great harm. Because of your inability to control your urges they are left with the emotional pain that comes from betrayal.

The key here is control. You might not be entirely fulfilled and this is where you have to stop and let logic take over. Ask yourself if you truly love this person, if you do then you have to control your urges and not betray them.

If you find yourself not as in love as you once were, do not stay out of guilt. So many people make this mistake, they find out that they are not truly in love with the person but by then it is too late. Since they do not want to hurt their partner they try to have a secret affair relationships.

Believe me, in causes them far more pain to have an affair behind their back then if you had simply broken up with them. Honesty and respect are fundamental aspects of a relationship, by having an affair you walk all over those tenants.

So if you determine that you simply are not in love with your partner anymore, be honest about your feelings and tell them that the relationship is over. Do it as gently as possible but do not allow yourself to remain in the relationship out of fear of hurting them.

Once out of that relationship you are free to pursue other people, hopefully finding someone that gives you all the fulfillment you crave.

No matter what the reason for an affair, always remember that it is about the single most hurtful thing you can ever do in a relationship. If you love your partner, or even just respect them, then an affair might not be the best choice. Instead let them go and move on, it will be better for everyone involved.