Exercising self-control is the hardest thing about getting your ex back. We forget to use it when we’re reeling from the pain and despair of fresh a breakup. We don’t know what to do. Nothing seems to help. Indeed, some things we do only make matters worse. With every misstep, the feeling of desperation grows, the feeling that if we don’t do something – and do it fast – we’ll lose our chance to “make things right” and get them back.
The good news is that many people have been in your exact same situation and survived. Yes, they made it! The bad news is that it’s not up to you to change your ex’s mind. They have to do that all by themselves. The more you try to “corral” this person, the less they’re going to like you. You cannot control someone else, no matter how hard you try. Yes, you can do to try and convince them you’re a better person, but you can’t make decisions for them.
And you cannot blame them for your unhappiness.
In the midst of your misery, choose to be happy. Do not contact your ex. Don’t shut yourself up with negative thoughts. Open yourself up to the love that is still in your life. Reconnect with friends; spend time with family; play sports, hobbies, movies, anything!
Your ex is not responsible for your happiness. That may be very hard to accept, especially now, when you’re in pain from the breakup, but it’s true. In order to have a real chance at getting back with your ex boyfriend or winning back the heart of your ex girlfriend, you must see that. Sure, it sounds counter intuitive. But it’s true. Think about it from your ex’s point of view: No one wants to be made totally responsible for someone else’s happiness. That, quite bluntly, is a huge burden, and an unfair one.
So think about it. For sure, you enjoyed good times with your ex, but they were not the sole source of your happiness. Realize that and feel the love around you. Focus on the joy that is there for you. Focus on your future, on the good in your life, on all the reasons you should be grateful. And the healing will occur.
Now, when your ex hears that you’re actually doing swell without them, that you’re maybe even doing better than when you were with them, he’s going to be stunned. She’s going to want to see for herself. This is where your new sense of self-control comes in. No matter what happens, don’t go groveling about getting them back.
Self-control. Sounds hard, doesn’t it? Trust me, it’s easier when you’ve developed self-confidence in your own lovableness. And you’ve done that by remembering – and valuing – the love of those who have stood by you for years, your family and friends. You’ve done that by remembering to love yourself.
Remember: It’s not just a matter of making up, but making up the right way!
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